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Vice Blog

NEW YORK - JIZZ (T)ISSUES

A few years back Neil LaBute wrote a short story about a racist guy who shits in a coworker's desk for our inaugural Fiction Issue. That was pretty great, because as fiction, it means it's not true. What's not pretty great is that today I arrived at the VICE office and opened the drawer of my filing cabinet to find a bottle of Lubriderm and what appeared to be three jizzed-on tissues. I'm all for pranks, and while I definitely "LOL'd," I started thinking about something: Unless someone went to the trouble of finding an adhesive that looked like fake cum, some guy in the office actually waited around till everyone left last night, went into the bathroom (I sure fucking hope he wasn't sitting in my black mesh task chair), and stroked a load or two into some FluffOut Facial TissueTM. While the end is funny, the means are just sad. I hope you enjoyed yourself, anonymous masturbator.

ROCCO CASTORO