For those unfamiliar with Nick Clegg, he's basically Jesus except made of magic, magnetic, and hung like a horse. Cleggmania is Britain's newest obsession, and Nick's going to lead our country into a new era of unrivaled prosperity just by being himself and smiling nicely.His phrase of the moment is that "Britain has a choice." But what about his own fashion choices? What does Nick Clegg's sense of style have to say? Ignoring the grinning gimp himself, we cut out the middleman and interviewed his sense of style instead…
If there's one thing a Lib-Dem is unafraid of (apart from governing Britain in an enlightened and forward-thinking style), it's openly displaying their metrosexuality. Nick's tie-matching pink canvas manbag (£15,99: H&M), illustrates this principle perfectly. It's a quirky enviro-classic, reminiscent of Anya Hindmarch's 2007 classic I'm Not A Plastic Bag line. Frankly, Nick's foxy bag-sense makes Mrs Thatcher look like Michael Foot.
He's burst David Cameron's bubble, and now Nick's looking to prick another load of hot air. And what could be better attire for having it off with a rubberized female-shaped lovetoy than a powder-blue suit with an electric-blue tie? Yves St Laurent used to wear white shirt and black tie in preparation for his latex love-ins with Rubber Annie, but times have changed. Less formality is expected these days when splurting a loveload into a polymer pudenda. Get your Cleggover…
Prithee, squire, what art thine views on the importance of a referendum on the Lisbon Treaty? If the Tories want to take us back to the 1980s, Nic is going to do them one better and herald usback to the 1580s. And why not? What could be more refreshing to a populace exhausted by wars with France and recurrent plague outbreaks than a bit of center-left progressive politics? Scotch Trident. End top-up fees. Discover America. That's change you can believe in.
Ray Bans are the traditional sunglasses of a pair of cold-hearted vigilantes out to enforce martial justice on unsuspecting bad guys. But Cleggy's not into tradition. No sir. He's so far ahead of the curve that he's a rebel against rebels themselves. These brill shades with their the thin perspex frames show off his beatiful bonce to maximum effect, emphasizing the soft, gorgeous lines of his face. And Vince "The" Cable? Well he just looks sick as fuck…
Avast! Avast! That's right--a vast fashion disaster looming on the horizon. Nick's out to sea: he's going down with all on board by wearing the sort of life-jacket that would even seem out of place in a Next clearance sale.
It's just a thriller, a thriller night. Looks like Nick has forgotten his zombie costume, but that shouldn't stop him from revolutionizing the music video in his lovely red tie and dark suit combo. Note how the cuffs protrude the exactly-correct amount from the jacket. On this fashion form, expect the Lib Dem's manifesto to sell 100 million copies.
Oh dear! Nick says he wants to stand out from the political establishment, but it seems he's wearing the same oversized red sporran as his rivals who represent the "Old Discredited Politics Of The Past©." He should've gone for a zesty lime-green one to really put himself ahead of the pack. Gordon Brown is still dressed by his mum, Nick. You shouldn't be taking tips from him.
Nick! What are you doing? Historically, no one has ever voted for a human-sized noisette of whipped cream, so why should they start now? That's not proportional representation on any level. If he wears this carcrash outfit in the third debate, expect a lot of marginal constituency Lib Dem MPs to kill themselves in shame. Literally: a hung parliament.GAVIN HAYNES
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