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"Kanada"We don't learn from our mistakes, we just name an entire nation after them. If I was the stubborn Jesuit interpreter, I wouldâve taken full advantage of this situation and convinced my companyâthrough a manipulative, false translationâthat the chief was actually saying I deserved a double portion of rations that night. I'm guessing after this encounter they all headed to the village or âKanada,â where first and last monthâs rent were paid, references checked and the countryâs lease signed over. Yeah. Our country is named after a misinterpretation, but so what, naming stuff is hard! At least they were nice enough to let us keep the name without having to put an underscore or 01 at the end of it. But the best part of this spot is how everyone blatantly ignores the poor know it all wiener who suggests they might be mistakenâhe's probably the same buzz kill who told Columbus they werenât in India.
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The Halifax ExplosionIf youâre able to go into this one spoiler free, you will really have a blast! In this clip, weâre introduced to Vince Coleman, train dispatcher, who discovers that the flaming ship in the harbour is also carrying explosives. He frantically takes to the streets, where indifferent citizens barely look up from there donairs long enough to notice what he's yapping about. The tension reaches a climax when Vince sends a desperate last minute telegraph to warn incoming trains, and just as all hope seems lost, a reply comes! I just feel bad that they lead on the audience to think he'll make it, as anyone familiar with this catastrophe knows that old Vince doesnât get a break and died that dayâOR is stuck in an infinity loop where he lives forever within the heritage minute, perpetually trying to prevent the inevitable explosion. So what was that last telegraph he received? Just the voice of Alan Rickman saying âBoomâ? Actually, Vince's efforts did prevent multiples trains from continuing towards Halifax, but of course, I learned that elsewhere.
Chinese Railway WorkersThings are so damn expensive these days. Remember when it only cost a couple of coins to turn Chinese people into human bomb detonators that built our railroads at the same damn time? I'm not suggesting we shouldnât acknowledge our nationâs shamefully exploitative past, but this Minute definitely could've been handled with a little more tact. I mean, even hiring an actor who didnât have to poorly imitate being ESL and recite lines you'd normally hear drunk dickheads impersonating at late night Chinese food spots wouldâve made a difference. It's important that these peopleâs sacrifices are remembered, but this portrayal feels just as insensitive as this horrible blight on our countryâs history being commemorated in the first place. If only Cockrain had disobeyed his orders to get another volunteer, and realized that this kid is obviously some sort of nitro glycerin proof chosen one, who channels explosions into new hairdos. He could've paid for more wives than he could handle.
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The SoddieIn the 1890s a wave of immigrants came to Canada from Europe, and had it way harder than you ever will. Have you tried hoeing a field in slow motion? Have you ever had to endure the unbearable silence every night when your wife insists her mulch soup is good? Nope! You havenât. And yet the ambitious, unflinching spirit of these immigrant folk persevered. They even managed to take a break from work to smile at the camera from time to time, but that still doesnât address the issue of WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BABY? Seriously, is there a scene missing where he's taken by the others or is this also meant to teach us about prairie miscarriages? I've watched this several times now and still can't decipher what racy eastern European innuendos they exchange just before the voiceover chimes in to inform us that a soddie is a house built from earth. Really? I always thought a soddie was when someone did a really wet fart in your face while you were sleeping.
Paul Emile BorduasFitting that they went with a more abstract direction for this clip about an abstract artist, but it plays out like a weird stage production of Heritage Minutes that could've been put on by your high school drama faculty. Paul's manifesto Refus Global, advocated for the separation of church and state in Quebec and is heralded as being a major influence on the Quiet Revolution (there is a question about the Quiet Revolution on the citizenship test FYI). However, that isnât exactly made clear here, and with no trace of context, he comes off as an insane recluse shacked up in a junkie flophouse. You can almost smell the Saint Hubert take-out boxes left neglected on the his coffee table. This particular Minute gets special recognition for being the creepiest one ever producedâjust listen to that eerie music, itâs the perfect soundtrack for when your hostage is exhaustively begging âWhy are you doing this to me?â and you just stare at them silently in your turtle neck while sucking on pickled eggs. I was really confused by this one when I was younger, and still amâwhat the hell do you want from me Borduas?
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Burnt ToastWilder Penfield's research forever changed the field of neuroscience and the way we say burnt toastâeven as I type this, I can hear her funny accent in my Canadianized skull. What a relief this revelation must of been for her husband, who no longer had to defend his toast-making competence in what can only be described as one of the strongest examples of âitâs not me, itâs you.â In addition to actually doing a decent job of conveying a momentous historical breakthrough (remember, that's why these things were made!), this also provides an excellent example of Canadaâs great sense of humour. Even in the operating room, weâre not afraid to have a bit of funâand if you watch very closely, you'll see all the nurses twitch a smile when Dr. Penfield makes his patient think her hand is in a cup of water so she'll pee her pants. This could even have been the first ever Just for Laughs Gag's segment, so it's no surprise they called him the greatest Canadian alive.More Canadian Nostalgia:We Spoke to B4-4 About Bullys and BlowjobsDoes Big Shiny Tunes 2 Hold Up in 2013?Stompin' Tom Connors Was Punk as Fuck