This week’s DIY Halloween Costume is inspired by the spookiest story I’ve ever heard.
Back in the day when Halloween was way cooler, Celts would dress up in scary costumes to frighten away demons. I like my costumes to follow the same notion because it’s badass and because we’ve accumulated a lot of frightening shit over the past five centuries. (One of the scarier stories that I’ve heard is of more recent history: The Tale of the Troubled Man-Boy Who Wanted to Become Famous by Dismembering Kittens and People.) That’s why this year I decided to dress up as the infamous torso in a suitcase. Maybe I’ll be able to rid the impulse-to-produce-snuff kinds of demons.
STEP 1: FIND A VICTIM
You’re going to have to cut up a suitcase, so find one that you don’t really care about. I found mine at a second-hand store for eight dollars. At the same time, you can’t just pick any old suitcase, so this might be a bit of a scavenger hunt. You have to make sure that whatever you choose will be big enough for the core of your body to fit inside of, and sturdy enough to hold up its structure. You’re essentially just making a dress out of a suitcase, so choose something you’re going to feel excited about.
STEP 2: CHOSE YOUR WEAPON
What I didn’t realize before starting the project is that it would require the use of power tools, which in this context made me feel sort of nauseous. If you don’t trust yourself to use power tools without accidentally cutting off your own arms, get a friend to help! We used a Dremel mini-grinder. If you don’t have one of these at home already, I would suggest buying one because they’re awesome. That would bring the total cost of this costume up to 40 dollars, which is still considerably less than a shitty packaged costume you would find at a Halloween story. Plus you’ll be the proud owner of a tiny, electric-powered death-bringer.
STEP 3: DISMEMBER THE BODY
Watch your friend use the mini-grinder to cut out the metal frame of the suitcase. I inspected a lot of suitcases over the course of this project and found that most of them are made the same way. The frame is made out of thin wood and a small steel bar wraps around the perimeter’s center. Have your saw handler carefully cut out holes for your head, arms, and legs. This will probably take one to two hours, depending on how retarded your friend is.
STEP 4: PLAY AROUND WITH BLOOD
This is the big reveal of your costume! I chose to go topless because I like looking sexy at Halloween parties. Playboy bunny? Catwoman? Get out of here! Nothing makes a man want to eat you out more than looking totally fucking insane. You can even be creative with this and make your torso look realistically dismantled by painting in meat marks and rotting flesh. I opted out for just carelessly smearing red paint all over my body. Both are effective.
STEP 5: PUBLICALLY BROADCAST THE IMAGES
And there you have it: your very own snuff-victim costume.
Here’s a fun tip: see how many people you can get to do body shots off of you. And don’t forget to bring a video camera!
Previously - Michelle Obama