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Bans Kick Smokers’ Butts

From the looks of things, the powers that be are moving toward revoking Americans' inalienable right to give themselves lung cancer.

Photo By Istockphoto/Thornberry

We live in contentious, troubled times: Millions are out of work, protestors fill the streets of practically every major city, the global financial system is in ruins, and just about everyone feels disenfranchised. It’s enough to make you want to smoke three packs a day, but from the looks of things the powers that be are moving toward revoking Americans’ inalienable right to give themselves lung cancer. December was a tough month for everyone who enjoys the sweet, sweet taste of burning nicotine. First, on November 29, the city council of Boise, Idaho, passed resolutions banning smoking in bars and clubs, near bus stops, on any outdoor patio accessible to children, and basically on any type of public property, including parks. Remember, this is Boise, in fucking Idaho, a state where there’s nothing to do but form militias, be very cold in the winter, and smoke. If people there are adopting the ridiculous “cigarettes are basically as bad as heroin” mentality, the antismoking movement has gained some serious momentum. As if to prove that point, the very next week, the town of Vancouver, Washington, adopted a similar measure, prohibiting smoking in rec centers and parks. An article in Vancouver newspaper the Columbian contained some telling quotes from hardcore antismokers such as “[Smoking] makes me gag just thinking about it. It is just something I can’t see us saying it’s OK to do” and “I sincerely believe that parks are for healthy living.” Statements like these hint at a bizarre, insidious pro-health agenda where any objectionable behavior—drinking soda, cursing, not wiping your ass—is grounds for being kicked out of parks and, if these busybodies had their way, probably thrown in jail until the offending habit is kicked. The argument for bans like these is that when you light up you aren’t just killing yourself, you’re killing others via evil secondhand smoke. Some hard-line smokers’ rights advocates question that secondhand smoke is bad at all, but let’s not get into that, because antismokers hate smoking even when it doesn’t hurt anyone else: The city of Boston just banned e-cigarettes in the workplace. Yes, e-cigarettes, the smokeless alternative to cigarettes that don’t hurt anyone but the smoker. The ban was put into place because someone thought that maybe e-cigarettes might be harmful, and probably because they commit the unpardonable crime of looking like cigarettes—which validates the secret belief of some smokers that they want to ban our smokes because we look so damn cool.

@hcheadle