Joanna Fuertes-Knight has been teaching you guys how to cook for so bloody long now, that we thought she deserved her own VICE.com cookbook.
So, finally, here is a compendium of every meal she’s ever poured her blood, sweat and tears into on this here website.
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We’ll be updating it weekly with her new recipes, so don’t forget to bookmark it.
It’ll be just like you’re hanging out with The King, shitting yourselves to death in Heaven.
It’s “rustic” food, but not for pricks.
These make Zooey Deschanel look like that chick who got boned to death by a horse.
A hideously delicious corruption of Italian food that will make Mama cry.
Here’s yet another opportunity to binge eat in the name of Jesus.
Happy 100th birthday, mighty Oreo!
Everyone eats pig fat slathered in baby food now, it’s credit crunch chic.
Featuring the most ingenious use of water-bombs since filling them with piss.
Did you know Luther Vandross invented a donut burger when he was wasted?
RED VELVET PANCAKES AND CREME EGG SAUCE
A Shrove Tuesday dish so good you could lure Jesus out of the desert with it.
A dessert named after my fav Irish-Italian actor who didn’t play Danny Zuko in Grease.
Get in that Super Bowl spirit by deep-frying shit and putting it in your face.
You can’t always eat things that have a face.
It might look like the ugliest thing in the sea but it won’t make you shart.
No one should have to go through a seizure on an empty stomach.
THE DETOX COCONUT COLON CLEANSER
It’s time to poop out all the bad things we put into our bodies on New Year’s Eve.
How to turn your greed into permanent spleen damage this Christmas.
Celebrate Christmas by getting drunk and burning your face off simultaneously.
CRAZY CHRISTMAS CAFFIENE CAKE POPS
Survive the inevitable panic shopping by getting wired on these guys.
An Asian pirate speciality.
Are you an incapable little thing lost in further education? JFK will help you out.
Meat, meet chocolate.
Food you can eat without teeth.
This is a delicious and easy recipe for anyone stupid enough to be a vegetarian.
Wooooo, it’s a Halloween special.
Let me show you how to turn your sick bed into a deathbed.
Kool-Aid isn’t just for suicide.
A breakfast fit for an overweight Mexican king.
Two of the world’s greatest ever snacks, together at last.
Celebrate pensioners freezing to death in their beds with this dish from Canada.
HIPPY JOHNNY’S CHOCOLATE BROWNIES
Real men eat their drugs.
A treat for rude boys, brought to you by Smash.
Do you self-medicake?
Full of Doritos and full of love.
We’ve all heard of Italy – but have you ever eaten Italian food?
A love letter to Britain.
It’ll stop you vomiting shit.
It is possible to eat a cupcake without being a twee dick about it.
You’re not a real cook till you’ve spent a day fisting poultry.
It’s not a problem with fruit per se, they can just taste a bit like bin juice.
There is nothing quite as satisfying as a spit-roast on a summer’s day.
DEEP FRIED MEXICAN CHOCOLATE CAKE
It’s got chili in it.
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