Pornhub Has Made the ‘Cleanest Porn Ever’ to Teach You How to Have Sex in the Time of Coronavirus

At a time when even kissing and hugging away your horniness comes at a cost, health officials are advising everyone to stay safe from the virus by simply staying home and masturbating. As the number of internet users watching porn spike by 95 percent in countries like India, it’s clear that the world is pretty starved for sex. Now, Pornhub’s newest instructional campaign wants to show you how to have sex in the time of coronavirus.

‘The Cleanest Porn Ever is a new campaign launched by Pornhub’s Model Program Community with the objective to teach you how to be clean while keeping things just a little dirty. It consists of a series of instructional videos which feature famous faces of the porn industry including Asa Akira, Leolulu and Danika Mori strutting their stuff on self-shot videos. These videos first take you through the basics of cleaning yourself, and the importance of social distancing, before turning into uncensored cam-girl sequences. The idea is to incentivise your attention span by making porn that people can masturbate to, but also showing them how to keep their hands free of germs before they do so.

The campaign also challenges couples in quarantine to come up with some safe practices to have sex while staying clean and germ-free, which we assume will prompt a lot of face mask-first fucking or maybe even sanitisers as lube (but please don’t do this).

Pornhub’s latest attempt to get you to stay at home isn’t incredibly groundbreaking and not nearly as cool as YouPorn’s Wheel of Foreplay. In fact, just a few weeks ago, Pornhub launched Scrubhub, a similar campaign to show you how to wash your damn hands. But by inculcating porn into the format, Pornhub is spreading a message on the importance of social distancing for its loyal audience base at a time when people keep violating the lockdown rules, out of necessity or just out of being a covidiot. And that’s worth watching, even if you’ve already exhausted Pornhub’s free premium subscription. Especially since Pornhub is giving their porn stars 85 percent of the video sales (100 percent but with a 15 percent processing fee), making it your good deed of the day.

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