Look: In addition to death and taxes, hangovers are an inevitability, too.
Sure, you may push that thought aside every time you decide to go for your fourth margarita, but you'll damn right remember when you wake up the next day weighed with that feeling of ohhh god my head hurts and what did I do?
But that feeling won't linger forever. And the right hangover diet can have you feeling better in no time—or at least fattened and satisfied enough to make you forget all about that regrettable hookup and the trail of carnage you left in their bathroom.
We asked five of our favorite chefs to share the meal that makes them feel a hell of a lot better when they've overdone it on potable merriment. Here, we present to you their choices—and delicious recipes to accompany them. Bookmark them now, and make your next morning-after a way more enjoyable experience.
From Top Chef alum and Compère Lapin chef Nina Compton, we have a true Southern classic: shrimp and grits. What could be more spot-hitting than cheesy Parmesan-laced grits; bacon-topped grilled shrimp; and of course, the perfect fried egg to top it off?
RECIPE: Shrimp and Grits
Keeping on that Southern food tip—which, as we all know, does seem to be a very real thing when you wake up smelling like beer and craving sausage—we have Isaac and Amanda Toups' Cajun-style baked eggs. With a ton of cream, some cheese curds, and andouille sausage, this is most definitely how you bake your eggs in New Orleans. All of that delicious fat and salt will feel positively soul-cleansing. Plus, this recipe is so easy you can make it even if you're still pretty wasted when you wake up.
RECIPE: Cajun-Style Baked Eggs
OK. Lee Tiernan of Black Axe Mangal just might be taking shit to the next level. "That pizza looks a bit strange," you might be thinking. Well, that's because this is not ordinary pizza, but pizza French toast. Lee swears by it as a hangover cure, and yes, you can make it with the cheap delivery stuff.
"If I don't wake up on the sofa with the grease-soaked box clutched to my chest and managed to securely store the pizza in the fridge, there is nothing better than fridge cold pizza for breakfast," Lee tells us. So jazz it up by frying it in a savory, eggy batter. Hallelujah.
RECIPE: Pizza French Toast
Breakfast burritos are a tried-and-true friend to people who love getting drunk, and chef Erik Anderson of The Catbird Seat knows this, and has perfected his own version that has supreme and magical recovery powers. This one's stuffed with chorizo, potatoes, and eggs, plus some fresh cilantro and diced onion for added punch. Sprinkle generously with hot sauce, and you're golden.
RECIPE: Chorizo, Potato, and Egg Burrito
Jamie Bissonnette of Toro specifies that this is "FOR A SUPER BAD HANGOVER," so we saved it for last. Guys, this is so fucking smart. Dude is a genius. OK, you're basically going to make scrambled eggs with crushed up potato chips mixed in, and then add torn up bits of toast and hot sauce. If you drank a glass of water last night and went to bed before 6 AM and you're feeling very ambitious, you can instead assemble this whole thing into a proper sandwich, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.
RECIPE: Scrambled Eggs and Chips
If these recipes can't help you, nothing can. But even if they can't take 100 percent of the pain away, at least they're realllllyyyyy damn delicious. Good luck out there, friends.