‘Ketsu Battler’ Should Have Been Called Butt-Shido Blade, but I Love the Idea Behind This Goofy Game

The PlayStation 1 classic Bushido Blade built a legend from its steep learning curve and one-hit kills. Now, imagine that same type of gameplay with the floatiness of Super Smash Brothers and swords between your buttcheeks. Yes, you read that right; Ketsu Battler offers the same thrill of trying to deliver a one-hit killing blow, but you’ll be holding a sword between your booty cheeks. Why does this exist, and why didn’t I think of it first?

in ‘ketsu battler,’ As I’m Bent Over, Sword Clenched Between My Buttcheeks, Only One Survives

Ketsu Battler looks to be that perfect blend of hilarity mixed with pure spectacle. It’s fast-paced, chaotic, and if done right, could be entertaining. The 1v1 nature of this game could be the perfect way for foes and rivals to squash their beef. Or, in this case, their butts. And before you ask, yes, “Ketsu” means “Butt.”

To play, you’ll place a Joy-Con in the back of your pants, either in the pocket or the belt loop, and shake your butt to win. Yes, it’s essentially a twerk-off. But set to the theme of a spectacular duel, and I can’t wait to dive in myself. Ketsu Battler will be $4.99 and comes to the Nintendo Switch on December 12, 2024. Even if I don’t like it, I’m out less than the price of a Starbucks coffee. But I already know I will love this and everything it stands for, so I should probably limber up a bit.

If there’s one thing that makes me slightly upset, however, it’s the lack of online play. Sure, this type of game benefits the most from playing in the same room as your opponent. Timing the rhythmic shaking of your booty against your opponent will be key to bringing home a victory. But I can’t shake the idea of ranked leaderboards in a game like Ketsu Battler.

Ketsu Battler is Just Dance with swords, essentially. As you twerk your way to winning, just remember to take a break between rounds. It’s such an interesting idea, and I hope it gets the fanbase it deserves. Learn which of the six characters will be the ultimate partner to your booty-wiggling escapades, and take down all of your foes.