It's my birthday today so I was very happy to receive a gift from Johnny Ryan, the guy who makes the hilarious cartoons at the back of the magazine every month. Johnny sells T-shirts through his website and I'd been pestering him for a free one for a long time. Over the course of the year I'd commissioned him quite a few times and, between you and me, I think he's been overcharging me for his services. So, he sent me this cum rag with "I love AIDS" written on it just below the gravy stain...
It smells like it's been at the bottom of the laundry basket of a tramp for three years. It made our intern hurl. I wrote to thank Johnny for the shirt and told him I hope he gets famous so that I can sell it for a lot of money when he dies.
His reply was:
NO! I refuse to become more famous just to spite you!