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PSA: COOTER CUT-OFF

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists does not want you to have fries with that. But really, you do.

Alarming news

from the

American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists

today: early-2o-somethings only have to have their cervixes (cervices?) checked out every two years, instead of annually. Hold up, there. Everyone knows that when you schedule your yearly girlie check up, you're using it as an excuse to get yourself screened for STDs too. Like, "Oh, hey while you're down there, why don't you throw in a swab for chlamydia too?" It's the vagina health equivalent of "You want fries with that?" Assuming the ACOG is right, that at that age cancer crawls up the cootch at a very slow pace, this still doesn't account for all young ladies not having a ton of money to spend on that expensive HPV vaccination. And unless all 20-somethings have suddenly been converted to Kirk Cameron's religion (it's possible that

cool book campaign

worked on a few people), it's very almost certainly most likely they're boning… which means they're catching STDs. And who heads to the doctor "just in case" for an STD check-up? No one. People only go when they slummed it the other night fucking a human garbage can it burns to pee or there's a bump they can't rationalize away as razor burn anymore--and you read your health textbook, so you know often times there is no greenish yellow slime oozing from a hole. So sure, cancer up the vaj sucks and it is best to avoid that, but do not listen to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists unless you want to have a vagina that looks like a bunched-up slice of bologna left on a radiator or you want to put your wiener in one.