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Vice Blog

LONDON - I WANT A KOTA

I more or less understand what I'm supposed to do here. I know that I should be expounding on how Kota the Triceratops, a ¬£300 40-inch ridable robotic dinosaur just released in the UK, is a perfect storm of consumerism and technological hedonism. It's a bold-faced insult to everyone alive who has even the most cursory understanding of the economic happenings of the past month or so…

I could talk about the inexplicable link between irony and dinosaurs. "Philip K Dick would be rolling in his grave" might be an appropriate observation, as would "DINOSAURS WOULD EAT YOU, YOU LITTLE SHITS." But right now I cannot do anything except wish until my ears bleed that this abomination can support all my 57 kilos when I roll into Woolworth's after work today, cranked out on Appletiser and memories of my lost youth. Also, I hope this thing can crush beer cans.

ARIANNA