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Vice Blog

THE INTERNET - NEXT TIME, PLEASE SEND THIS GUY TO JAIL

What if all you had was internet, cable, a ton of friends, a lot of gourmet food, a huge apartment, a girlfriend who laughed it off when you acted like an asshole, and time to yourself for two months to do whatever you wanted? Your life would still suck if you were this guy, and not only because you were born with the name Glenn Weatherson (those two

n

s are pretty fucking rough). It's because you're on house arrest for two months, and instead of being thankful you're not in prison with the bottom of your long t-shirt tied in a knot around your thighs to stave off buns rape one day longer, you're whining that your homophobic wigger bike messenger friends (read: flaming fucking gaybos) are off doing stuff on Saturday night and you're stuck inside. And you're making a

stupid daily video blog

about it in which your main aspiration is to brush your teeth a different way each time. You watch movies all day, nap, and in between "do some codin'," all while deluding yourself you're some kind of hacker. Yes, your problems are darker and more infinite than the ocean beneath the ocean.