
Chris âLilâ Chrisâ Thames: At first we were called Joeyâs Closet because thatâs where we would go to get high, then after about a year or so, Anthony wanted to change our band name to Fuck Me Without a Condom because it was something he said to his girlfriend, not to mention that it was something everyone liked to do. It felt more real and impactful, like our music, and anyway people thought Joeyâs Closet meant that Joey was gay, and that was the furthest thing from reality then. Then?
Chris: Joeyâs bisexual, but we didnât find out till â88. And when did you change your name to Fuck Me in My Condo?
Joey Roach: In â89, after we got our deal with Atlantic Records.
Anthony Bazzo: They made us change it.
Chris: Yeah, we were really against it, but the label felt that because AIDS was such a big deal thenâŠ
Joey: âŠand still is.
Anthony: Not really, except in Africa.
Chris: Anyway, they felt that Fuck Me Without a Condom sent the wrong message.
Joey: Yeah, and Anthony had just bought a condo so we were all like, âWhy donât we change the name to Fuck Me in My Condo instead of Without a Condom?â It sounded similar and Anthonyâs condo was a huge part of the bandâs life then. It was where we partied. How did the song âHole in My Dickâ come about?
Chris: That is a crazy story.
Joey: One night after a show, we went to the condo to party and Anthony, Chris, and I had our fuck moccasins on. Chris and I were fucking Anthonyâs girlfriend (with his blessing) when she looked over and saw Anthony rump-running some other chick and she flipped out. She couldnât stand to see Anthony disrespecting another woman. They had crazy arguments and she was ĂŒber-jealous. She had tried to kill herself maybe 30 times. Anyway, they argued for a while and she ended up making Anthony fuck the girl vaginally, which he hated. The next day when Anthony woke up, he found that his dick had been nailed to a coffee table. There were a bunch of people who could have done it, but we never found out who did. Anyway, thatâs how âHole in My Dickâ came about. Anthony wrote the lyrics and Chris wrote the music.
Anthony: Most people thought it was about a lover forlorn, but it wasnât really. It was actually about an actual hole in my dick. Are all your songs about sex?
Chris: Sex was a huge part of our lives back then, and yes, most of our songs were about sex.
Anthony: âSteel Penisâ was about sex.
Joey: âBattle of the Bulgesâ was about sex, not about weight loss or World War II.
Chris: âClam Diggingâ was about eating pussy.
Joey: âSwab the Deckâ was about the sponge, which was a female contraceptive device nobody uses anymore.
Anthony: And âQUEEFâ was about queefs but we made it into an acronym that stands for âQueefs Upset Every Enjoyable Fuck.â
Chris: âNorth of the Border,â though, was about Iran-Contra, not about tit fucking.
Anthony: Also, âThe Grass Is Always Greenerâ was about pussy hair and not about pot.
Chris: Yeah, and âBush-Huntersâ was about the CIA and not about pussy.
Anthony: Yes, but âHair of the Dogâ was about bushy pussies and not about alcohol. Was âHead to Headâ about two dicks touching?
Anthony: No, that was about getting head from one girl, then switching to immediately getting head from another one.
Joey: âGeneration Zâ was about a girl giving head to a guy while the guy gives head to another girl.
Anthony: âLollipop Surpriseâ was about the time I was getting head from this girl, then saw a hard-on in her underwear, only to find out that she was a heâŠ
Joey: âŠand âLollipop Surprise Repriseâ was about me sucking that girlâs dick.
Chris: âBetween Your Legsâ was not about pussy, but about Bill Buckner missing that slow grounder Mookie hit that was the catalyst for the Mets winning it all.
All: [chanting] METS, METS, METSâŠ
Chris: âRoughinâ Itâ was about the time Joey put cocaine and peanut butter on his dick and made his dog lick it off.
Joey: âRest in Deniseâ was about Anthony falling asleep every time he fucked this German chick named Petra, but we changed her name to Denise so it would rhyme with âpeace.â
Chris: âHeavenâs Doggie Doorâ was about Joeyâs dog dying.
Joey: âFrench Friedâ was about being tired on tour in France.
Anthony: âCum Fingerâ was about cumming on a girlâs ring finger and making her let it dry and congeal there.
Chris: âHot Tubsâ was about fucking fat girls.
Anthony: âWindow Painâ was about my room when I was a kid, and âRegister to Pokeâ was about changing the age of consent to 15. Whatâs next for FMiMC?
Chris: We are recording a jazz album right now called Scar Lines, which is a bunch of instrumentals weâve written in the past few years about fucking chicks whoâve had lipo. Watch for more from Fuck Me in My Condo on Vice TV. one of these daysâŠ