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Let's talk about what Oakland's past, which is way more fun than its present. For instance: Back in 1960, this undersized center named Jim Otto signed with the Raiders, who were then in the now-defunct AFL. Otto played in every single game for the team until he retired in 1974, and even learned how to be a long-snapper so he wouldn’t get taken off the field for kicks and punts. He was one of the toughest, most insane players in an era noteworthy for its toughness and insanity. Otto accrued so many injuries over his career his body broke down and had to undergo 70 surgeries in his pain-filled lifetime. Eventually, one of his infections got so severe doctors had to amputate his leg—which he replaced with a $40,000 prosthetic adorned with the Raiders logo. He says he regrets nothing. -HC
PICK: DenverBaltimore (+2.5) at Washington
As great as RGIII is, we should remember that the Redskins are 6-6 and the Ravens are 9-3. Let's not allow our sentimentality to cloud our vision as we focus on what’s really important: picking football games with no money on the line for an unpopular column. -HC
PICK: Baltimore

San Diego has lost four in a row. What their really “san(s)” is wins!You could say the Chargers are really in the pits… Burgh!“Big” Ben Roethlisberger may be coming back this week, so the Steelers offense will get back to running like “clock” work! ("Big Ben" is also a famous clock!)
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PICK: San DiegoTennessee (+5.5) at Indianapolis
The Colts are 8-4 despite having been outscored by 41 points this season—though, to be fair, most of those opposing points were racked up in blowout loses to the Patriots and the Jets. You can either say this discrepancy is due to Andrew Luck being brilliant at pulling wins out in close games, and that the short-on-talent team has rallied around their coach, who has cancer. Or you can just chalk it up to variance, which is the fancy-pants word for luck. Taking the latter view doesn’t make you wrong, but it might make you kind of a dick. -HC
PICK: TennesseeNew York Jets (-2.5) at Jacksonville
Are people into watching NFL games “ironically” the way some stoners love terrible movies? If so, this is this week’s football version of The Room. -HC
PICK: JacksonvilleChicago (+3) at MinnesotaWe could talk about the Bears’ great turnover differential and whether that’s the product of luck, or we could talk about their injuries, or we could just watch this Adrian Peterson highlight reel. Which do you think we should do?
PICK: MinnesotaAtlanta (-3.5) at Carolina
Here’s a dumb story about Cam Newton being a dick at last year’s Pro Bowl. Newton, oddly enough, declined to comment for it. Why he didn’t want to talk to a reporter who was investigating a story about him being rude to some people ten months ago? Athletes today are such bad role models. -HC
PICK: Atlanta
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PICK: Tampa BaySt. Louis (+3) at Buffalo
The Bills game is sold out, because a local restaurant guy in Buffalo bought all the tickets, so it won't be blacked out on television. I'd say that he should give his VIPs free seats to the game, but then he'd probably have to buy all the tickets to the Jets game on December 30 to give to his enemies. As for the game itself, the Rams' wideouts are the key here. -SR
PICK: St. LouisDallas (+3) at Cincinnati
Can we discuss this website? Ew. -SR
PICK: DallasMiami (+10) at San Francisco
Every time it’s my turn to write about the Dolphins I struggle. All I can think of is Harry’s post from Week 1 about their logo. (The logo is a dolphin wearing a little helmet.) What else can I add? What more do you need to know about this team? About this game? About life? -SR
PICK: San FranciscoNew Orleans (+5) at New York Giants
Memorable quotes from Saints players regarding the Hornets changing their name to the Pelicans (the teams share an owner): “Pelicans is going to take a while," "Nutria Rats," and “[I'd change it to] probably like the Sabertooths or something… Maybe the Dragons.” Also, defensive end Cam Jordan said he liked Roman Harper's idea to rename the NBA team the Sauce. -SR
PICK: Pelicans
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The Seahawks have a cornerback who was busted for PEDs and who also played in the CFL: That's not weird, it's just a coincidence. TSN, Canada's No. 1 Sports Website(TM) has CFL before NFL in its dropdown menus: That's weird. -SR
PICK: Seattle

PICK: DetroitHouston (+3.5) at New EnglandWatch this game. It’s gonna be more fun than:
PICK: New EnglandPrevious Week’s Record: 8-7-1Overall Record: 98-85-9Previously: Being Alex Smith Sucks
