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If we can’t educate, house, or feed the poor, how about puting them to good use—and what's more useful than promoting valuable products? Slap a fast-food restaurant or apparel logo on a homeless person’s jacket and everyone's a little bit happier. Maybe the latest epic science-fiction/comic-book/remake can sponsor the down and out. The perfect ad integration would be with Ensure, since Las Vegas is already force-feeding it to them anyway.Make Them Park Cars
Look, I can’t find a space in Hollywood half the time. Las Vegas is a nightmare for parking. The problem is a chronic valet shortage in these cities. I’m sure most transients can drive. Also, I can’t think of a more trustworthy person than a homeless guy. Just please don’t change the presets on my radio. Thanks.Turn Them into Tour Guides
No one knows the streets better than a person who lives on them. This should be a major boon to the tourist industry in Las Vegas. An ex-heroin addict named Slim Charles will be your guide to all the hot spots on the Strip: the best buffets, the loosest slots, and the most advantageous areas to shoot up in private.Shakespeare in the Park
Las Vegas has many amenities; ample air conditioning, public drinking, and a scale replica of the Eiffel Tower. What Las Vegas lacks is culture. I’m used to being able to go to the opera, like, whenever I want, but where the fuck is the opera in Las Vegas? Where’s the theater district? Teach these homeless people how to act and that culture problem goes away. I, for one, would kill for an all-homeless staging of Much Ado About Nothing.If you’re going to be a total piece of shit about how you treat your homeless population—the most underserved, unappreciated, neglected group of people in the entire world—then you might as well get creative about it. Hopefully the citizens of Las Vegas band together and take some of these suggestions to heart, because this problem is not going to hide itself.@dave_schilling
