KULTE COCKTAIL KIT
Everywhere is more fun with booze. You know what’s not fun without booze? Staying at your girlfriend’s parents’ cottage, Muslim weddings, AA BBQs, a week at Grandma’s, and the war in Iraq. This mini cocktail kit includes ice tongs, a stirrer, a collapsible glass, and two penis-size flasks. Bring on the potentially uncomfortable gatherings, world. We’re ready!
LOIS POCKET PURSE
Hey ladies, you know when you get your ass just perfect and it’s sitting there perched on your heels like twice the balloon it normally is? Why add tumors to perfection by throwing in a cell phone or a wallet or whatever? Leave it be. If you need to carry stuff, don’t put it in your pocket—put it in your purse. If you really, really want to put something in your pocket, rip your pocket off and make it into a purse like this.
BIG BROWN SOUND BAG
About 5 percent of the shit you get at trade shows is worth keeping. This Big Brown Bloomingdale’s parody is part of that 5 percent because it helps you carry the other 4.9 percent.
It’s fun to scream, “Captain Cavema-a-a-a-an” and smash people with this, but you can only do it to guys because it kind of kills.
This thing is fantastic for coloring and manipulating things. I could easily do all my drawing and inking with it and nobody would be the wiser (seriously).
If you put the batteries in this the wrong way it will reverse the current and reverse the direction of the fan. That means if you hold it up to your nose it blows air away from your nose. Know what that means? Farts are no longer a problem.
WESC STREETHORSING RETROSPECTIVE
A lot of skeptics don’t believe that WeSC started the whole idea of using a horse as a skateboard and doing railslides and jumping over cars and shit with it. For those of us that were down with streethorsing from the beginning, this retrospective book takes us back to the early days when Jason Lee and Jerry Hsu were doing frontside lipslides with hooves and growing huge mustaches to keep out the smell of horseshit (it even comes with a pack of fake mustaches).