How Music Helped Pianist Gardika Gigih Pull Himself Out of Depression

When I saw Gardika Gigih perform a few lines from Johann Sebastian Bach’s “Goldberg Variations" at Taman Ismail Marzuki he looked remarkably calm. Only one day before, Gigih was a bundle of nerves as he performed his first solo concert at Institut Français D’Indonesie (IFI). But that initial bout of nervousness seemed to die out once he took the stage at TIM with a band of like-minded musicians.

Gigih was on stage to perform songs off his collaborative album Nyala—a project that features the work of Ananda Badudu (vocals / floortom), Febriann Mohammad (guitar), Suma Suta Pangekshi (violin), Jeremia Kimosabe (cello), Monita Tahalea (vocals), Remedy Waloni (guitar/effects), and Luthfi Kurniadi (guitar) as well.

The album—and the concert—was a unique turn for Gigih, a musician who was initially only interested in writing music, not performing it in concert. But a chance call from the popular post-rock act The Trees and The Wild convinced Gigih to bring Nyala to the stage.

VICE's Stanley Widianto caught up with Gigih to learn how the album came together and hear how music can be a beacon of hope for some musicians.

VICE: So, you only had one day of practice before your concert earlier this month.
Gardika Gigih: Honesty, performing on stage is a new thing for me. I’m basically a composer, that’s what I studied to be in college. My dream was to merely write music, and perhaps have them played by an orchestra or an ensemble conducted by someone else. So I wanted to just focus on writing music. But over time, I kept performing on stage and became interested in improvisation. Since I used to study constructive music, lately my knack for improvisation has been resurfacing. I wanted to manifest this on stage. Why only one day? It was an accident, actually. This concert all started from a phone call made by Remedy Waloni [singer of The Trees and The Wild]. I knew him through Instagram when I offered to remix “Zaman, Zaman.” He liked the result and last September, he called me and let me know about the Supersonic program [at IFI] which was initially slotted for his band, The Trees and the Wild. But since they already played the same venue last year, he offered the opportunity to me. That’s how the concert happened.

As a pianist, would you mind if someone else played the piano parts of Nyala?
As far as playing songs off Nyala, honestly I’m not sure. There are piano parts where I never play the same thing. So I don’t know if anyone would play that way and be able to carry the same spirit. But that’s only for piano, for strings and other instruments, it’s all purely compositional structure. Do you write sheet music for all your songs?
I do.

But you also improvise a lot on stage.
It’s about the art of momentum within the improvisations. Lately, people tend to force themselves to present something that is neatly packaged. But why? Why can’t we create something spontaneous? Things that flow naturally can be a moment that we all enjoy. Although it comes with risks as well.

What’s the hardest part during the creative process of Nyala?
It’s hard to find the energy for each composition. To capture it an artist has to manifest everything they've got. For example, FX Harsono always fights for his work. It’s about capturing many different events. The toughest creative process is to capture. Like Beethoven, listen to how explosive his pieces are. They are a mirror of what’s contained within the music. He lived an extraordinary life. He was deaf and he almost quit music. He only got recognized after struggling for a while. This is the toughest part of creating music.

What’s the big theme on your latest album, Nyala?
Light. Abstract, huh? But really, when Sorge Records offered to put out an album in 2014, I was new to the concept of albums since I had been doing classical compositions, chamber music and whatnot. When I met Nanda and Rara [from Banda Neira], I had a brush with folk music, and we ended up collaborating. I came in contact with many new music elements, I felt like a kid all over again. I was excited.

The initial concept was about home. I did some material sketches, but ended up trashing them. I got stuck. I was having a crisis of confidence. Something made me really insecure about the music I was making. I thought about stopping, about taking a break. I was depressed. That’s what the album is really about. It's about hope.

How did you deal with your depression?
It’s not something fluid. But everyone goes through a crisis sometime in their life, like when our minds wander off to really dark places and you lose the passion to do anything. You also lose direction, and question many things. At that point, I started to get drawn into the light. Light gives us life. Every artist has their own way to create, and for me it was after I observed light coming from the sun, from lamps, and other things. Since then, I believe that light represents a spirit to move forward.

Do you feel more optimistic as a musician now?
I don’t feel so lost in the dark now. That’s behind me. But now find myself questioning, what’s next? What can I create for other people? I want to connect more with other people, without changing myself.