Thieves Stole Charlie Villanueva's Toilet

Two big questions: How? Why?
December 20, 2017, 6:24pm
Photos by Kevin Jairaj-USA Today Sports, Charlie Villanueva, illustration by author

When you're a recently out-of-work NBA star, you kind of want to hold on to all the assets you have. Those big paychecks aren't rolling in any more, and so when you buy a toilet, you trust that the toilet will be yours for the rest of your retired life. That toilet is your life partner.

Sadly, for former Dallas Mavericks forward Charlie Villanueva, he had his life partner stolen away from him by thieves in the night.

The poor guy had to wait on the Dallas PD to take their sweet time. Apparently, it took them over four hours to file a missing toilet report:

Villanueva also apparently had some appliances stolen. But Charlie's right to be shook by the toilet theft. Because uninstalling a toilet takes some time. The first YouTube tutorial I found on uninstalling a toilet is nine minutes long, and they get in upwards of 22 minutes. These burglars must have felt pretty confident no one was going to come home any time soon. Because they literally got away with stealing Villanueva's shit.