I Am Furious That The Beyoncé Figure Skater Did Not Win Olympic Gold

I am phoning the police. It is an emergency. There has been an injustice of the highest sort. French athlete Mae-Berenice Meite figure skated to Beyoncé at the Winter Olympics, currently underway in Pyeongchang, South Korea, and she didn't win seven gold medals. I'm disgusted. The sport of figure skating should take a long, hard look at itself.

Here is Ms Meite strutting her stuff to "Run the World," as part of a routine that also included "Halo" (why are there no added value points for more than one Beyoncé song in figure skating??? Hello??? Is this thing on?????):

If you're a keen follower of Noisey's in-depth reports on the world of figure skating (why wouldn't you be?), you'll know that we recently picked up on the fact that songs with lyrics are now permitted in the sport. US figure skater Jimmy Ma celebrated that by skating to Lil Jon's "Turn Down For What" in a recent national championship, thus clarifying the fact that skating to music with words fucking rules. And do you know who makes some of the best music with words? That's right: Beyoncé.

Of her choice to skate to Bey, Méité told Cosmopolitan "[Her music] is crazy, wild, and fun. You can just dance to it, and that's how I am." And obviously with such a stellar selection of tracks, she'd be unbeatable, right? Unfortunately, because the judges are apparently morons (and also because Méité fell during her routine, but that's just a technicality), she actually came in ninth, with a score of 46.62. I hope she knows, however, that she is Number One in our hearts.

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