Martha Stewart Has Impeccable Control

The homemaking mogul is set to throw the opening pitch for the July 31 game between the Yankees and Orioles. And you know what? She's pretty damn accurate.
July 27, 2018, 2:28pm
Screen capture via Instagram/@marthastewart48

There are a million ways to fuck up a first pitch. Non-baseball-playing celebrities are asked to throw out a ceremonial first pitch at MLB games all the time, but there's nothing about celebrity that translates to painting the black. Unless you're Martha Stewart, who didn't come here to fuck around.

Stewart is set to throw the first pitch for the July 31 game between the New York Yankees and Baltimore Orioles, and decided she's nobody's fool. She's not going to come into this cold, looking like some chump-ass American Ninja Warrior or 50 Cent. Au contraire: the lifestyle-advising mogul came to throw heaters and chew chaw, and she's all out of chaw.

Just watch this:

Alright, so maybe they're not "heaters" per se—and it definitely sounds like she's using a wiffle ball—but goddamn, she's got a pretty tight handle on her form. Look at that control! Raised leg, decent grip, solid follow-through. (Surely, there is a "home plate" housekeeping joke in here somewhere.) And it's pretty sweet that she's doing it so that she doesn't "embarrass [her] grandson."

The only question left is why does this remind me so much of this early scene from Shawshank Redemption…? Though her form is clearly better than Morgan Freeman's.