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Two New Books Look Into What It’s Like to Be a Sex Worker

Experienced sex workers and authors Nalini Jameela from Thrissur, Kerala and LA-based Sita Kaylin give us a crash course on the intricacies of the profession in India and the US.
Shamani Joshi
Mumbai, IN
American sex worker Sita Kaylin's memoir Anything But A Wasted Life was released on July 25, and has garnered much support on Kaylin's social media. Romantic Encounters of a Sex Worker by Nalini Jameela hit stands last week, and is a follow-up to her bestselling autobiography Oru Laingikatozhilaliyute Atmakatha

A lot has been written on sex work, and by sex workers–what it entails, the stigma, its role in feminism and bodily autonomy. What has, predominantly been missing from such conversations however, have been voices of women of colour, particularly brown women. That makes the release of Nalini Jameela’s book Romantic Encounters of a Sex Worker, translated by Reshma Bharadwaj, all the more important.

Meanwhile, the American sex worker Sita Kaylin’s book Anything But A Wasted Life has also been recently released in India. To better understand the variety in the global spectrum of sex work, we leapt across time differences and language barriers (assisted by Bharadwaj) and dug deeper into why Jameela’s experience in India was distinct from that of Kaylin’s in the US. What transpired was a tale of thick skin and thicker friendships.

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The circumstances the two women faced are literally poles apart. Jameela’s popular 2007 memoir Autobiography Of A Sex Worker recounted her life as a single parent who took up sex work to provide for her children, despite being shunned by both her parents and her in-laws

Kaylin describes herself as “raised by a single parent in a loosely organised hippie commune of vegetarian drug dealers” in California, going through several odd jobs before taking up stripping, and then moving to sex work for the benefit of higher pay.

Sita Kaylin has been on her own since she was 16, and has over 20 years of experience as a sex worker. She now acts as a mentor figure for her Instagram followers.

Both women discuss the role of men in condemning and yet upholding sex work, creating the stigma around it and benefiting from it.

Jameela’s new book focuses on her relationships with the men that paid for her services, while Kaylin’s talks about her underground adventures as a sex worker in 1980’s California. Both books have a tone that is bold and brazen.

In her book, when told that she was ‘too smart to be a sex worker’, Kaylin says, “ You think I’m foxy, you gather that I’m not a total ditz, and you want to get in my pants. If you think the way to do it is by ‘complimenting’ my intelligence, you’re wrong, pal. Try offering me a suitcase full of cash, that’ll warm me up. I have a good life; I think that’s pretty smart.”

Similarly, Jameela’s lines, “Leila kept glancing at me to indicate that he is somebody to be respected. But I had already decided. He will be my prey for the day”, represent how little she cared about any moral degradation attributed to sex workers.

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Jameela sees sex work as being the better option for those without proper education or training in a culture that often cheats its participants of proper wages. She focuses on the patriarchal oppression commonly imposed on Indian women, regardless of their occupation, and discusses how the safety of sex workers receives virtually no support.

Kaylin, accorded more agency and privilege comparatively, talks about being treated like a goddess in a society that willingly embraces and encourages her. She does not face rigid restrictions, feelings of guilt or shame and accepts her image as a sex symbol, as men not only desire her, but also seek reciprocation from her side. In contrast, Jameela admits that despite being considered good looking, she was regularly pigeonholed a “woman like that”. Often objectified and rarely respected, she mentions the typical mentality held by mostly Malayali men in her region of origin, who viewed her as disposable and lusted after her for their own satisfaction, ignoring hers. She points out that she lost a considerable amount of business after publishing her autobiography as men in the area grew afraid of losing their anonymity.

While Kaylin was brought up in a liberal, non-religious environment, Jameela came from a lower caste community with a strict Marxist parental authority. As a result, Kaylin’s mother, though initially taken aback, continues to be supportive of her daughter’s career choice, even actively following her pursuits on Instagram. In Jameela’s case, while her older brother reacted violently, her mother was more understanding about her intentions. But, she refuses to take any money from her considering it ‘impure’. She has even lost touch with her older children, while her youngest daughter, though hesistant as a teenager about her mother’s profession, is more accepting after interactions with various Human Rights groups helped her understand it better. Despite being touted as the country’s most progressive state, patriarchy and sex negativity are still deeply ingrained here.

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Sita Kaylin on a visit to India. Despite being given a name that sounds Indian, Kaylin's roots lie in Russia and Spain. Yet, the author has immense love for India and has visited for a number of spiritual reasons.

Kaylin’s early days as a stripper in San Francisco helped her discover what men liked and how to keep them coming. For Jameela, it was her liaisons with multiple lovers that steadily taught her the art of seduction and control. But with over two decades of experience each, they have learnt that what men crave, beyond sex is someone to talk to. They write about how men often treated them like therapists, which made conversation a key factor in the business. And on days when this proved to be too much of a task, they chose booze as a catalyst for confidence: fruit-flavoured vodka for Kaylin, arrack for Jameela.

The core of both books not only narrates significant anecdotes of their experiences, but also talks about the role that women play in navigating a world seemingly created by and for straight cis-men. What has ultimately become a reason to continue their work is the support system created by the network of women and other sex workers that each of them has.

Romantic Encounters of a Sex Worker by Nalini Jameela, Translated by Reshma Bhardwaj (Om Books) and Anything But A Wasted Life by Sita Kaylin (HarperCollins Publishers India) are on shelves now.

Follow Shamani Joshi on Twitter.