Games

Finally Nintendo Confirms That Kirby Was Always the Star of Smash Bros.

The pink round child is excellent, let us celebrate him!
November 2, 2018, 1:12am
Kirby flying angrily on his little starship
Screenshot via Youtube, Super Smash Bros.

If you've been wondering why people on the internet were screaming about Kirby on Thursday, it's because a long-awaited trailer for Super Smash Bros. Ultimate story mode dropped that morning. It featured a hefty dose of gameplay, previewing a ton of maps and characters—but centered around an intro to the adventure mode, an Infinity War–esque slaughter of your favorite Nintendo heroes.

That is, except for the objectively best character and star of the Nintendo pantheon: Kirby.

Some people, who I won't bother to link to, were disappointed that the story mode for Nintendo's hugely successful crossover franchise apparently centered around our favorite pink flying ball-person. If the trailer is any indication, the perpetually hungry hero will have to fight his way through reanimated evil versions of other Nintendo characters in a series of single-player challenges. It seems like you'll unlock other characters as you go, but I'm baffled as to why you'd want to. True Smash Bros fans know that the puffy lad is not only the games' most powerful character, but the protagonist. (And it is not just because his creator, Masahiro Sakurai, is also the creator of the Super Smash Bros universe.)

In case you can't grasp this I made a list of Kirby's most winning qualities:

Kirby is a hero because he can borrow other characters' skills

You mean to tell me that the character who can literally borrow any opponent's powers is not the hero? Imagine if I went around eating other people and exhibiting their skills for a set amount of time. I would be so powerful.

Also, let me remind you that if any other character had been chosen, all the others would be dead both in body and spirit. But the spirits of every Nintendo character killed in that trailer live on thanks to Kirby's benevolent cannibalism. He's like Christ in reverse—think about it.

He has lots of cool hats

Mario got some hats in Odyssey, but our beloved happy glutton has had cool hats this whole time.

Kirby was always the best pick for playing Smash with friends

Sure, Kirby is not the go-to for winning pro-level tournaments (particularly in Melee), because there are loads of other characters experts can use to greater effect. I can concede that point. But that's not why you're playing Smash Bros. You're playing it with your friends as an excuse to hang out, and this makes Kirby the best because he was practically designed for this very purpose. Who among us has not used Kirby to temporarily jail our friends in the no-mans-land of his mouth, or to execute irritating Kirbycide (when you swallow someone and jump off the edge, killing both of you)? Or maybe you just want to fly around while the other players pummel each other—that's also fine and quite calming!! Worth noting: I dare you to tell me Kirby is not the most powerful when he's driving a legendary ship.

His games take place in… dreams?

Delightful!

Kirby's face is his whole body (with the exception of the arms and feet)

I think we can all agree this is a very good thing.

Ergo you can actually draw him

The fan art will be so easy for this one!

Kirby is the cutest to look at for hours

So soft and tender, cute when angry, ready to save us. According to Nintendo Japan, he enjoys afternoon naps, eating, and singing songs though he is tone deaf. Playing the whole game as Kirby will leave you glowing.

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