Michael Jackson Is On Drake's New Album 'Scorpion', Somehow

The tracklisting Drake just shared includes those three little words every girl wants to read: "ft. Michael Jackson".
L: Kathy Hutchins/Shutterstock; R: Vicki L. Miller/Shutterstock

UPDATE: Drake's new album Scorpion actually features an unreleased Michael Jackson vocal! Listen to the track below:

Original story below.

Michael Jackson, the pop legend who has quite famously been dead for like, nearly a decade, is featured on Scorpion, Drake's upcoming fifth album (or seventh, if you include all his album-length non-albums). How is this possible? Well, I don't know, dear reader. I'm as confounded as you are! You may have noticed, as I said in the opening sentence of this article, that Michael Jackson has been quite famously dead for nine whole years! But somehow––as Drake announced on his Instagram––when we listen to Scorpion tonight, we will be graced with the voice of MJ, back from the dead in some way, shape or form. MJ features on the 22nd track, which is just a cruel joke for those of us who didn't reeeeally want to listen to the album in full from start to finish. (Seriously, a note to musicians: please stop making 25-track albums! They are so long!)

As I may have mentioned once or twice in this article, Michael Jackson has been dead for around 108 months, so it's unlikely that these are vocals we haven't heard. More realistically, this will be a high-profile sample (a rare feat in itself because Michael Jackson samples are so, so expensive to clear!) But just imagine: what if Drake somehow managed to get his hands on some unreleased MJ vocals? That would be pretty cool (or, maybe, a waste). It wouldn't be the first time that Drake had finished a song for a deceased icon. Or, like, imagine if Michael Jackson is secretly alive? What if PUSHA-T's infamous "You are hiding a child" line in "The Story of Adidon" was actually about Michael? OR, imagine if Drake's secret child was himself named Michael Jackson, and this is all a troll. These are just some of the many quite reasonable theories I have been considering! I believe myself to be quite a level-headed person, so you can take these theories as well-informed probable truths. I am, after all, a professional music writer.

Shaad D'Souza is Noisey's Australian editor. Follow him on Twitter.