I Vaped in My Office to Test the Government's New Vaping Proposals

It used to be lame to show that you cared about your own personal health by switching from fags to e-cigarettes, but these days everyone's getting involved. From cool teens hitting the Juul to adult men puffing on Raspberry Ripple Ice Cream Concentrate, vaping is everywhere – everywhere, that is, but "indoors", since vaping is effectively treated the same as smoking a proper cigarette by the kind of people who have a say in where we inhale our nicotine.

A bunch of MPs on the "All-Party Parliamentary Group for Vaping" (lmao) want to change this by passing a law that will bring smoking back to where it belongs: inside, and directly into other people's eyes and mouths, like in Goodfellas. These vape-heads' first demand is that employers should provide designated indoor vaping areas. Here are some of the others, as reported by Metro:

The report was inspired in sorts by the APPGV chairman Mark Pawsey, who couldn't find a place to vape when he was at the Houses of Parliament. "There are only two designated vaping locations, and despite being a member for eight years I still have no idea where either of these locations are," he said.

Of course, Mr Pawsey could have simply asked someone where he could vape (top-tip: front desk is always a good shout!) instead of feeling lost about it for nearly a decade, but here we are: we might soon be living in a country where offices will be filled with non-EU-regulated e-smoke.

In anticipation and/or simply out of boredom, I thought it would be a good idea to see how this would work in practice – how life might look if we all started blowing clouds around our colleagues, like a kind of steampunk Mad Men – so I brought a vape to the office.

I immediately got to work, puffing long and hard while doing a phone interview about something important. I was reminded of the golden age of journalism, when people got their work done by shouting into phones and smoking aggressively, like Jonah J Jameson in Spider-Man, Spider-Man 2 and Spider-Man 3.

The tip-top air-flow and leakproof design also meant I could take my e-cig wherever I wanted throughout the day, puffing till my lungs fell out. Our office manager Becs would probably be upset about this, but what she doesn't know won't hurt her (sorry, Becs). For a few hours I took some more calls, then it was time to get some water – and guess who came with me?

That's right, my vape. Carrying it around and using it all over the place presented no issues, as far as I could see. My hench clouds seemed to dissipate before they reached anyone's face, and even if they had made contact, a "landmark" study in 2017 found that vaping is "far safer than smoking". Still, I wanted to know what other people thought about me smoking indoors. After all, if this law is to be passed, it will affect everyone in the workplace.

"I liked you vaping because I got to vape with you, and I miss vaping, but I don't want to get back into vaping because then I'll just vape all the time, like I did before," said Broadly's Associate Editor Sirin Kale, who sits opposite me and therefore had smoke blown in her direction all day long – and also had a go on the vape, because why would you not want to partake in the novelty.

Zing Tsjeng, who also sits on our table, had this to say: "It was way less obnoxious than I thought it would be. It was actually quite refreshing to occasionally catch a whiff of vape smoke."

Finally, Lauren O'Neill – who sits behind me and completes the triumvirate of vape-reviewers – didn't even notice that any smoking was going on. "I did not notice that vaping was happening in my vicinity," she commented, "but if I had, I would have said, 'What a cool guy.'"

Based on this peer-reviewed scientific study, it seems that vaping in the office shouldn't be too much of a problem. If anything, it might improve the working environment, sending pleasant wafts of blueberry across the room, encouraging co-workers to interact with one another in asking for a honk on each other's rigs, et cetera, et cetera.

Sure, there are countless other issues that are far more important – systemic inequality, the housing crisis, huge corporations paying very little tax – but the All-Party Parliamentary Group for Vaping aren't about that: they're linking up across parties, like suited Bloods and Crips putting their guns aside, to promote the very important issue of smoking indoors, because sometimes it gets a little bit cold outside.

And ugh, I hate to say it, why not.

@ryanbassil