Lady Gaga's Perpetual Red Carpet Toothache: An Investigation

We've all been there: you're on a red carpet at a big Hollywood award ceremony—custom Valentino dress a total serve, 100 carats of diamonds on your neck—when a fucking toothache creeps in. Such has appeared to be the untimely reality for Lady Gaga, whose dentist most certainly deserves the chop.

It first began when Gaga stepped out at the Toronto International Film Festival in September to promote a small, little seen indie project: A Star Is Born. A few weeks later, at the film's Los Angeles premiere, things didn't look much better. Twitter took notice and a collage too was born. But why is she doing this old Hollywood-evoking pose? As the great Kris Jenner once proclaimed: This is a case for the FBI.

"It's important to notice it's bilateral, so probably not a tooth causing the pain," Dr. Evan Lenhoff, DDS, noted when asked for his reaction to the photos. "Because her face always looks so relaxed it suggests more that it's an awkward pose. If she were grabbing an area which was a source of pain, her face would show more discomfort I imagine. I really think it might just be her pose and not pain." Fair.

So why the pose? Upon closer examination, it seems like an obvious attention draw to her pink sapphire engagement ring, rumored to cost $400,000 (the engagement was called off on Tuesday). That would track with its appearance, and accompanying pose, in November at the SAG-AFTRA Foundation's 3rd Annual Patron Of The Artists Awards.

However, in January at the Golden Globes, and later that month at the SAG Awards, Gaga switched to her right hand, her ringless hand, for the pose. (Note: She was still wearing the ring.) What then? I decided to consult a model.

"As a self proclaimed terrible red carpet photo taker I appreciate this commitment so much," Candice Huffine remarked when asked. "There could be 99 poses available to use, but there’s only going to be one that you can call a signature. I don’t have any insight on the significance of this move, but I find it far more interesting than just standing there and I now am fully inspired to go for it a lot more on future carpets."

Ultimate verdict: Gaga just fancies putting her hand near her face. Case closed.