Bad news: it's summer, which means that it's peak party season in Las Vegas. Actually, it's probably only bad news if you hate champagne Super Soakers and drone-delivered bottle service, or just have a deep phobia of models on stilts. For everyone else, Las Vegas is the mecca of unbridl"ed hedonism—it is probably the best city in the world for throwing away buckets of money in celebration of nothing else but your own existence.
But what kind of crazy shit could you reward yourself with if, hypothetically speaking, you had a budget of $1,500? $20,000? Or—fuck it!—$737,000?
We did the research and learned one important lesson: never doubt Vegas' ability to be bigger, bolder, and brattier than anything else you've ever experienced. Conspicuous consumption never felt this good.
FOR $1,500: A CHAMPAGNE FAIRY
Every time you order a $1,500 bottle of top-end bubbly at TAO, their resident champagne fairy—a professional contortionist named Kristi Toguchi—will swoop down above the thousand-strong crowd like an errant Cirque du Soleil acrobat to deliver the goods to your lap. How about that for a fairytale ending.
FOR $5,000: A SEDAN CHAIR TO CARRY YOU INTO THE CLUB
At Hyde Bellagio, you don't just walk into the club. You get carried in on a sedan chair to your table, with servers dressed as Superman flying in to deliver your drinks. Whatever DJ is on the decks that night will stop by to pay his respects. Kissing your feet: optional.
FOR $20,000: DRONE-DELIVERED BOTTLE SERVICE
When people talk about how drones are going to change our lives forever, they often fail to mention that these sci-fi miracle babies are already doing great things in the poolside cocktail forefront. Namely, by dropping off bottles of champagne for thirsty revelers at Marquee Dayclub—and taking aerial photos of the whole exchange, so everyone knows that you. Run. This. Shit.
FOR $500,000: AN EIGHT-GALLON BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE AND A CHARIOT
You'll find the world's most expensive bottle service at Hakkasan, the five-floor palace of Cantonese delicacies and Deadmau5 at MGM Grand. For a cool half-mill, you'll receive a bottle of Ace of Spades champagne in every single size available—that's nine bottles total, with the largest "Midas" size coming in at 30 liters (or just shy of eight gallons). You will also receive dozens of LED-wearing models, a chariot, and an autographed gold record. In no particular order.
FOR $737, 000: A PRIVATE JET AND FIREWORKS
Vegas is abuzz with the arrival of Drai's, a brand new super-duper beach club at the Cromwell. Their 737 package is probably the closest you'll get to partying like Afrojack trying to keep up with Paris Hilton—a private 737 jet for you and 50 "friends," a 210-second fireworks display, suites at the hotel, and of course, rivers of champagne. You've got to have rivers of champagne.