After a couple of months of signals of a sea change in the Obama Administration, four federal prosecutors in California will hold a press conference today to outline a new crackdown on that state’s medical marijuana dispensaries. It comes after two years of the feds saying they’d leave state-compliant dispensaries alone, and right now appears to be a giant mess of legal issues, with federal versus state rights at its core.At least, that’s how it’s being billed. Until the prosecutors give their joint speech, it’s impossible to tell how large of an action it will really be. To cut through a bit of the hyperbole, the Washington Post said it could only confirm 16 dispensaries that have been formally notified that they need to shut down or face federal prosecution, 12 of which are from San Diego and already are facing shutdown from the municipal and state levels. The other four have also faced local legal trouble, although it’s unclear how warranted it is. It is only the product of a cursory investigation, and many more of the hundreds of California dispensaries and their landlords may be receiving evict or convict notices. At the same time, it may just be the feds helping put some muscle behind strained state prosecutors to help clean up some of the seedier elements of the industry.That’s probably not the case. The number of multi-agency raids and shutdowns has been on the rise as of late, and taking a strike at the heart of the weed economy isn’t exactly a soft gesture. Let’s assume that, after years of semi-legal status, the medical marijuana industry will soon be dead. What’s a patient in need of medicine to do?One of the grand arguments from the pro-medical marijuana camps is that, unlike painkillers from Big Pharma, marijuana needs minimal processing to become medicine. Also unlike Tylenol, you can grow it yourself. All the rappers talk about how great ‘indo’ is, which usually refers to indoor hydroponic growth setups. Hydroponic systems grow plants in nutrient solutions, which is better than other methods because you don’t have any messy soil in the house.
As great as taking rips off a six-foot bong covered in glass frogs and shit may be, it doesn’t really project the best image of someone quietly dosing himself with crucial medicine. Plus, it’s hardly sneaky. There’s an entire industry for disguised pipes, including the classic cigarette-shaped one-hitter. To be extra sly, roll your medicine into regular filtered cigarette tubes. If you mix it with some tobacco it might not even smell so bad.Just like old alcoholics who inject oranges with vodka to get them through the workday, making some THC-infused food is the most classic way to get an inconspicuous dose of medicine. Recipes and pre-prepared goods abound, with peanut butter being a favorite of a particularly-sickly old roommate of mine. Of course, there is a downside to edibles, as commenter ‘thegini’ on The Stoner’s Cookbook highlights: Screen the darn pot put it in a water bong and smoke it. I don’t have time for it to cook, what am I Chef Boyardee?
Apparently some enterprising individuals are making tongue-soluble breath strips infused with THC. This is kind of an evolution of the various tinctures and oils that are available to drop on the tongue, but a lot less sketchy-looking.
A THC pill is by far the sneakiest way to truly medicate yourself. You’re at work and your back is flaring up. Knock back a gel-cap and move on. None of your quadrilateral coworkers would ever guess that you just swallowed a dose of the devil weed. If you make your own tincture, you can even make your own pills at home.
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Grow your own
Side benefit: you can use your hydro setup to grow vegetables and such too, which will provide fodder for super easy and super funny herb jokes.
Sneak your toke

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Side benefit: having a cigarette filled with marijuana dangling from your pouty lips makes you look cool without the whole carcinogen thing.
Make some food
Side benefit: munchables included.
Get a breath strip

Side benefit: fresh breath. Just don’t offer anyone any.
Pop a pill
