This was first published on MUNCHIES in December 2014.
Welcome to the first installment of Seriously, Though, Who Is This?, a new column by fearless contributor Xavier Aaronson, who anonymously texts strange and confusing culinary-related imagery to unsuspecting victims in order to uncover various aspects of the human psyche and the power of visual communication. Oh, and most of these strangers are usually high-quality chefs. Enjoy.
Words can express so little sometimes; an idea as absurd as, say, a bathroom-themed restaurant can only truly be conveyed with a photo of a platter of braised pork served on a dingy ceramic commode. Goofy thematic eateries aside, food can be found near or in the toilet, and not only in the way that God intended you to expel it there.
In the spirit of the five-second rule and the questionable sanitation and hygiene that takes place in real restaurants every day, I (mis)placed a nice yellow squash in a bathroom setting and texted photos of it to some of New York's most impressive chefs, butchers, and bartenders. The reactions ranged from blunt disgust to insouciant tips on how to save the bacteria-laden veggie from otherwise failing a food safety and sanitary inspection.
Oh yeah, I didn't mention this, but I don't know these people and they don't know me. I gathered these numbers from friends who were more enthusiastic about the possible reactions of their fellow hash-slingers than concerned about my mastery for unsolicited, spam-stenched texts.
Here's my gross pirouette into the bizarre world of food texts. Bon appetit.