Pablo Sandoval hasn't been great for a minute. In fact, he's been bad—rull bad. The World Series MVP for the Giants in 2012 was traded to the Red Sox for fistfuls of cash, and he basically hasn't produced a single glorious moment for them yet. Many have lost faith in the man's ability to ball. And now, today, even his belt has given up on him.
Oh lord, it's just all so priceless—so god damn hilariously priceless. Sandoval went for a big rip, and his belt was just like "fuck my job" and quit. Just popped off, never to return again. Let's look into the mechanics of what went down. First of all, it seems like he's on his last notch—never a good sign. And nothing broke on the belt, per se. But the prong just jumped the frame. If you notice, the bar (the hole-inserter) goes the opposite direction of where it's supposed to go—like a hyperextended knee. This means that the tension in Panda's pants is so tight—so exquisitely tight—that he bent metal against its will. Unbelievable.
Let's take a zoomed out look for better context:
I'm having a hard time even coming up with jokes for this one. It just stands so singularly as a real life metaphor that it's hard to add anything on to it. But please, give it your best shot in the comments. Winner (by 6pm today) gets posted in an update to this article. Godspeed.
So we had a fairly shallow joke pool (five) to pull from—all on Facebook, no Twitter—but these are all the entrants:
(Oh, and a disclaimer: I normally block out commenter's names on social media posts, but this was a competition, and all comments are public, so here are the real names of people—don't be a jerk. Also oh: sometimes FB is weird and you can't see all comments. Apologies if yours went missing.)
There's obviously no objective measure for humor—if you have one, drop it, you lame-o stinker—but in my unbiased opinion, I think I've got to with Dustin Shingoose's "The only triples hes hitting are grandpa burgers." I particularly like it because I have no idea what the hell a grandpa burger is, but it's certainly the kind of thing you'd imagine Pablo Sandoval eating. Congrats, Dustin, and thank you to all participants.