Moving In With Your Partner? Ask These 5 Questions First.

Moving in with a partner is a major milestone in a relationship. When in love, many of us want to fast-forward to when we can wake up and fall asleep next to our soulmate each morning and night. 

However, some couples don’t view or treat this decision as delicately as they should. In fact, many only do so out of pure convenience or obligation. They just want to check a box or move closer to whatever level of commitment they believe is necessary. 

Before you move in with anyone—but especially a romantic partner—you should have a deep conversation about the details of the arrangement. Here are five questions to ask as a couple before moving in together.

1. Are we moving in because we want to or out of convenience?

The driving force behind your choice to move in with your partner should be desire. You both want to live with each other—but you don’t need to. 

While there are perks to living together, such as saving on rent and splitting household tasks, these factors shouldn’t be the sole reasons you do it. If you’re only deciding based on convenience, you might end up resenting your partner down the line. 

Shifting the dynamic from lovers who see each other scattered throughout the week to roommates who sleep in the same bed every night could be challenging if you’re not in the right place as a couple. Make sure there is a shared want, not a dire need, to live together. 

2. Is this a mutual decision? 

This decision should come from both of you. If one person is pushing the other to move in, there will be a ton of resentment on both ends of the relationship. 

No one should be pressuring the other person to do something they’re not ready for. If you feel like you’re the only one trying to make this work, that’s a red flag that you’re not on the same page, which warrants a deeper conversation. However, overpowering your partner’s wants and needs to fulfill your own desires will not get you anywhere sustainable. 

3. How will we divide household tasks?

While living with your lover might seem like a dream come true, there will still be some mundane parts of this arraignment. Before taking this step, talk to your partner about how you will split up household tasks like laundry, cooking, cleaning, and maintenance. That way, there will be no surprises.

4. How will we split rent, utilities, and other household expenses?

Financial conversations are never fun, but they’re important to have before moving in with your partner. For example, are you going to split rent 50/50, or will you be basing your contributions off your respective salaries? Is one person in charge of groceries while the other cover utilities? Working out these details will help you avoid potential arguments or conflicts in the future. 

5. Do we both feel secure in this relationship and its future?

Signing a lease with your partner during a rocky period of your relationship probably isn’t the best move (pun intended). Moving in together should never be the solution to a relationship problem—unless, of course, that “problem” is distance. If you don’t feel secure in your relationship or confident in your future, you might want to tread lightly before making this major decision together. 

On the other hand, if you’re ready for the commitment and have an idea how your future will look together (should things continue down the same healthy path), this is a great step in the right direction. Be honest with yourself and each other: Are you ready for this step?