Photo by Ben Ritter
A 22-year-old competitive bicyclist in Ireland suffered from an erection that lasted seven weeks due to a straddling accident with the bike's crossbar. Men right now might be thinking, “so what's the problem?” Well, the problem is that if this were left untreated it could have lead to a serious blood clot, which could then lead to a stroke. At this moment, I'm reminded of the time I thought I had a blood clot, but it ended up just being a ketchup stain on my breast.
The cyclist (who shockingly does not want to reveal his name) had, as the Irish Independent reports, “what is known as a 'high-flow priapism' with a rigid erection, which happens without sexual stimulation.” So it wasn't even a fun boner. He endured this terrifying nonstop erection for five weeks before seeing a doctor about it. I can understand waiting a day because, sure, it's kind of funny, but five whole weeks? The only explanation I can think of is perhaps he was terrified of his doctor saying, “Oh shite lad, looks like we got to cut your dick off. Chug this Guinness while I go get the big scissors.”
Luckily our unnamed cyclist gave in and sought medical attention. Doctors were obviously perplexed, and the first attempt at treating this affliction failed. “Doctors who treated him first attempted compression with a special dressing for two weeks but this proved temporary and, as soon as it was removed, the erection resumed.” The Irish Independent story continues, “He eventually had to have a blood vessel blocked in a non-invasive procedure although doctors could only find two previously documented reports of an unwanted prolonged erection after a straddle injury.”
I’m shocked this had actually happened not once, but twice before. This must be something male cyclists know about that no one else does. "Always wear a helmet so your skull doesn't shatter, and try not to straddle the bike when you fall because voodoo priests will curse your penis for seven weeks."
The procedure, which was referred to several times as "non-invasive," involved inserting "non-invasive" gel and four "non-invasive" platinum coils at an abnormal connection between a pelvic artery and a vein that supplied blood to his penis. This kind of procedure, though "non-invasive," takes a “high level of expertise” and is not recommended for you to try at home. The patient made a full recovery and reported a month later that his erections and intercourse was “satisfactory” (though that's something they should really be asking his sexual partners).
This case was published in the Irish Medical Journal, which unfortunately does not state whether or not this guy could masturbate with his never-ending erection. It also fails to tell us whether or not he continued to wear bike shorts, and if he had to go to any funerals during the seven-week period.
Check out this fashion shoot for more boners.