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Alexis: Well thank you.Is the medal from the X Games real gold?
I don't think it's real gold. It's pretty heavy and it looks like a ninja star. I was thinking about wearing it around. It's really sharp too.So it's shaped like a star?
Yeah, kind of. It has more points than a ninja star does though--it's very pointy on several sides.How heavy is it and where are you going to put it?
It's about a pound and I'll probably put it on a shelf in my closet with the other ones that I have. They all come in these little fuzzy bags, I just keep them in their bags in my closet. I actually just sold the one I won at the Maloof Cup for 20 bucks to this girl who wanted it for whatever reason. That one was pretty big, I think it was glass and it had some weird rhinestones glued to it. I felt like it would have been a hassle to travel with so whatever.All you got for it was 20 bucks?
Well I didn't want it, and I couldn't believe she was actually willing to pay me money for it so I was like, "OK."

Umm, I think it was a delightful year. I don't know, you were better at doing the dishes, that was nice.Yes I was, and that actually leads to my next question, which is why was washing dishes such a foreign concept to you? Did you use disposable plates everywhere you lived at before our apartment?
Well, it wasn't a foreign concept, I just don't really use dishes…so why should I clean them? I use like one plate, so I just reuse it. You were the one that cooked full on, like, I don't even know what you cooked, but you would make yourself a salad and a burrito or something else in the microwave and use different plates for everything, and also bowls of cereal, you ate a lot of cereal. I had my oatmeal/tea cup and everything I ate I would just eat out of that bowl/cup.
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Yeah because I reused it for every meal, so why put it in a sink where it would get soapy. I don't want my food to taste like soap.You gave me a lot of shit about the amount of soap that I used. Soap is an important part of washing dishes.
Yeah, but when you use a lot of it it leaves a residue. I'm not opposed to soap in the shower, or on your hands, I'm all for that but when you're going to be eating off of something… you would like load on the Dawn, or whatever kind of soap we used and that's just straight chemical stuff. You can't really get rid of the soapy taste.But the chemicals clean off the shit and the germs that are on the plates!
What germs? It's just you and your food.OK, what about the shower? You say that you're all about soap in the shower--why was it always so dirty?
You were completely to blame for the mess that was our shower. That bathroom was disgusting.What? I was the only one who ever cleaned that thing!
Because you were the one who made it gross.How is it possible that I was the only one who made our shower gross?
Because you would shower like, twice a day, and you would shed all over the shower and just leave it in the drain.I shed in the shower?
Yeah, your stringy ass hair would shed in the shower.But I cleaned the hair out. The main thing was the grime and the soap scum, and you were just as much to blame as me with that stuff. Bleach cleans that shit right off and you never used any bleach.
OK, your hair is longer than mine first of all, second of all my hair doesn't shed and yours does. That's all I have to say.
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Well you know what Jon? I've told you this, and I hate to have to tell you again but you're going to be bald, that's what happens to guys. Just face it.You have a weird diet. I'm going to guess everything that you've eaten in the last month. Tell me how close I get: yogurt, cucumbers, sugar-free gum, cabbage, carrots, ginger, and salsa.
Why did you leave out oatmeal? Because I eat that and that's pretty normal.Sorry, I did leave out oatmeal. Other than oatmeal, was I right?
Yeah. Well, I ate some vegetables… did you say cabbage?I did.
Umm, and, umm, I eat bananas occasionally. Also tea.Oh yes, tea.
But yeah, other than that you did pretty good, that's about it.

No! I didn't break your door.It looks like Chewbacca ripped out my doorknob.
I didn't do that.You realize that I'm living in your old bedroom now, right?
Ohhhh, the door to my room. I remember something maybe happening with the door. But I think it was just like that when we got the apartment. Our apartment was pretty ghetto.True, but it wasn't like this--the doorknob is about to fall off. It looks like termites ate everything around the shaft.
OK fine, you know what it was? It was because I locked myself out once and I had to break it open. Yeah, that's true. Why don't you be a little handy-man and put a hook or something on there.
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Well you have less privacy because you have like five people living in a two-bedroom apartment to save on rent.There's only three people here! And it's sort of a three-bedroom anyway. Your breakdancing mirrors are still intact. Do you still breakdance? Is that still a thing that you do?
Haha, I sort of gave up on that. But I really enjoyed the look on your face when I would do the wave because it pissed you off so bad!Wait, what? That didn't piss me off.
Yes it did, I mean, well you were amused by it at least.I was laughing at you! It didn't piss me off.
Listen Jon, I don't even want to see your dance moves, I'm sure you couldn't even begin to do the wave.I've got some OK dance moves.
With the wave, I could always do it perfect on the right side, it was just the left side I couldn't pull together.So you just gave up on it?
Well, no, every now and again something will come over me and I'll practice a little bit but I think my future lies elsewhere.If you had to guess how many times I've unmercifully beaten you at pool what would you say? And feel free to round to the nearest 10.
[Long silence] Are you kidding me? You're kidding right now.No, I'm not.
Jon, you're more delusional than I thought. You've gotten lucky like two times in bowling, but I think we're pretty much neck and neck in pool. I've beaten you before.I don't know about that.
Yep. What we're not neck and neck in is when we play Skate. You should learn some flip tricks Jon, that's the problem--you're a skateboarder.
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No, that suggestion is lame because we're pretty much even in pool. My game is not exactly consistent, so you've caught me on all my worst days, and my worst day is sort of like your normal day.So every time I've played you, it's been your worst day?
Yeah, exactly.OK, who are you skating for these days?
es and Organica.How high can you kickflip?
[long silence] Probably over your head.That's all that I've got.
OK, good interview Jon, I'm proud of you.Thanks.JONATHAN SMITH
