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Vice Blog

HEARSE DRIVERS DON'T HORSE AROUND

Our Barcelona office is located on the main route between a funeral home and the municipal crematorium. Every time someone goes out on the fire escape for a smoke, they're presented with another reminder of life's ultimate brevity and insignificance as...

Aside from washing up cutlery, going to work is my least favorite thing to do. Even in Barcelona (sun, Gaudi, beach, you know) work is a drag. Especially when the office is located on the main route between a funeral home and the municipal crematorium. Every time I go out on the fire escape for a smoke and to try and ignore the interns having a nervous breakdown because no one acknowledged their existence for 30 seconds, I'm presented with another reminder of life's ultimate brevity and insignificance as a hearse rolls by, fresh from either taking or having dropped off someone's dearly departed. To break up the monotony, face up to our fears, and have an hour's fucking peace in the office, we sent an intern out to throw herself in front of a hearse and ask some questions about exactly what it is these death delivery boys actually do.

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VICE: Hi, what is it exactly that you do? Hearse driver:

Our job is to help the coffin bearers get the coffin and the wreath out of the hearse, hang around until the funeral's over, and then take the coffin from the church to wherever it's going. Usually that's the crematorium.

Have you ever worked as anything else? As a taxi driver, for example?

I actually used to drive a truck. But most of the guys here started when they were still in short trousers, when they were 14 or 15. It's a job you inherit. Also it's not the only thing we do--most drivers do other work on the side.

How many trips do you make on a normal day?

A maximum of four. Three in the morning and one in the afternoon.

Do you get bored of driving the same route every day?

No. Sometimes we'll take different roads depending on the cementary or the traffic. And anyway, the distances aren't that big.

Is there always only one driver?

Well yeah, but I'm never alone. There's always the guy in the back.

Do you ever play i-Spy or anything to entertain yourself?

Play games? In the hearse? Er. No.

Have you ever crashed on the way to the crematorium?

Never with the coffin occupied, but yeah, I did once.

What happened?

I back-ended someone once at a roundabout.

Is that all?

Yeah but it wasn't my fault, he braked suddenly.

I'm sure. Listen, that's it, thanks for your time.

OK, but if you're ever in a hearse, remember to fasten your seatbelt.

I always do.