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Vice Blog

WHAT'S UP IN AUSTRALIA?

G'day world, Australia here. We're that place that rules at irrelevant sports like cricket and netball, and exports things like annoying backpackers and brands of beer we'd never drink ourselves. We've been a bit distant over the last little while, but now that the football's finished and

Master Chef is over, it's probably high time we had a chin wag ["talk"--Ed]. I'll put the kettle on.
So the biggest news at the moment is that our historically feeble currency briefly surpassed the US dollar this week. Being the competitive bunch we are, everyone was pretty amped. Sure, the excitement may wear off when the rising cost of doing business here fucks with our exports and tourism, but for the moment, Aussies across the country are watching the finance reports pumping their fists and singing this song.
A side effect of this weird state of global finance is that many Australians will be headed to America to get their Ed Hardy straight from the source. Make them feel welcome and there could be a tip in it for you. That tip would be: don't talk to them.
On the home front, a report came out today saying cocaine has overtaken ecstasy as the national party drug of choice. This is kind of surprising because although e's have been pretty shit over the last few years, the cocaine here is just as shit, and also really fucking expensive. If I told you how much it costs for a bag you'd laugh in our collective faces so unrelentingly, we'd need heroin to numb the pain.
Anecdotally speaking, most of the recreational drugs we come across are things like mushroom capsules, MDMA, acid, and ketamine. Oh, and weed. No hash though. We don't even know what that is.
Oh, and another thing, on top of taking more coke, we're also drinking less beer. According to these assholes, national beer sales have dropped for eight consecutive months. Supposedly we're drinking more wine. So much for the archetypal Aussie pissed cunt. The average Australian male now looks something like this:

He may not look so bad, but you wouldn't want him dating your sister, who if she's Australian, is probably this girl:

Anyhoo, to close out this update here's a little more general stuff about Australia you might be interested in. 2010's most popular TV personality:
Ray Meagher, "Al" from Home And Away. Biggest sex scandal

Millionaire businessman Herman Rockerfeller (murdered by swinging farmers) Dumbest trend

Wearing beanies, even when it's hot. Where the fuck did we even get that? Oh right. LA.

JENNIFER TINSLEY