Snakes And Ladders

MANHUNT
This is a little thing I got from work. There were heaps of them just laying around and no one else knew how to use them. I’m broke so I took them all so I’d never have to buy batteries. It works basically by changing your voice into that of a kidnapper but it doesn’t really freak people out or anything, they just can’t understand you. It doesn’t seem to work from a mobile so it only really comes in handy for withheld numbers which will almost certainly mean a call from a collections agency or a troubled ex from another country.

ALAN LOMAX BOOK

One time I was snooping around my parent’s house and I found this music book that I wanted because it had a great drawing of a guitar on it and I couldn’t figure out why my Dad owned it since he couldn’t play guitar. I knew he’d never give it to me so I nicked it and left. Years later I realised that it’s actually all the words and music to maybe 150 amazing old blues and folk songs that Lomax recorded way back when! Sometimes, it seems that crime does pay.

MY FIRST TAPE

Growing up without siblings kind of sucks and it generally means that there’s no music in the house. Most of my early listening came from this girl Toni, who would steal tapes from her brother and bring them over to my house to listen to. She left this one in my room, so I stashed it and simply told her I hadn’t seen it. She got in so much trouble. Later, in high school, someone racked the tape from my bag but left me the sleeve. Commonly known as karma.

WHITE HORSE CIGARETTE’S

These were stolen from a guy who just got back from Cambodia or maybe Hong Kong—I’m not sure. I took them because I was going to give them to my friend’s awesome doom band who are also called Whitehorse but I haven’t got around to it yet.

CASIO CX-101

This boombox wasn’t stolen at all but is rad so I had to include it. I found it in a pawnbroker for fifty bucks and it’s really rare and makes hip hop dudes wet their pants. Actually wet their pants. It’s got detachable speakers, stereo ins and outs, a keyboard and a motherfucking drum machine in it. You could probably make something really good with it if you tried hard enough but I just like to look.

STYLOPHONE

I stole this awesome pocket organ/synthesizer from a house party in North Melbourne and it was worth the drunken guilt for a couple of days but then the amusement wore off rather quickly. I have no idea how it works but to play it, you just run the ‘stylus pen’ across the metal keyboard to create an annoying electronic buzz that even retards can make a melody out of. I only ever use it on public transport, when I like to bang out a mournful version of the theme from Midnight Cowboy and it’s quite obvious from the looks on other passenger’s faces that I’m the only one enjoying myself.

BRIDGET RILEY BOOK

I didn’t know anything about this until I stayed at a friends place and flipped through it while she was in the shower. Fell completely in love with it but didn’t get to soak it all up so I ‘borrowed’ it for further reading. She does really colourful optical art stuff and is apparently super famous. Some of her paintings look like the screensavers from old Apple Macs plus there’s a whole bunch of sketches and measurements that show you how she does it so I think I’m going to paint one of my walls this summer. Then maybe I’ll return the book.