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Vice Blog

BEST PIE FIGHTS

Issues that have caused the most controversy

MALE GROOMING
Preening and spending
We've been saying for years what an absolute crock men's beauty products are. The whole market is the result of a collaborative push by manufacturers and the Gays of the Fashion Industry to inflate male vanity to female levels of preening and spending. Yet in spite of our best efforts to blow the lid off this scam, straight guys are still getting up an hour early each morning to exfoliate their shaven forearms and slather tube after tube of Loreal permasheen into their chemically-fried scalps…

INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS
America vs The World
We got a lot of response for the post that separated Americans from Canadians so here's more. Americans think the world is in love with them because they saw a thing in National Geographic where desert tribes in Iran or whatever are really into Rambo. Then they see all these poor people all over the world going, "I want to go to America." Then they see Japanese rockabillys dancing like Eddie Cochran and they're like, "That's it. Everyone loves us. We're the best." After few years of that they progress to, "Actually, you know what. We're the best AND you suck" which is weird because they're telling other countries they suck even though they've never been there…

THE MIDDLE EAST
Tech war
So MTV made this huge deal about how US soldiers are YouTubing war clips from Iraq with Limp Bizkit soundtracks. How cutting-fucking-edge! It's such a dumb-ass format that the Iraqi insurgents themselves have done a piss-take. But the recent events have shown that the frontline of the online battle for hearts and minds is in Israel/Palestine, not Iraq…

CLASS STRUGGLE
Workin' Man's Blues?
We were at a bar with these tradesmen the other day and one of them was going on and on about how he'd taken off a day of overtime just to hang out with his buds. He kept bringing it up like it was the greatest thing man had ever sacrificed for man, so finally we were like, "Christ guy, what are you guilting out your pals over, $200?, $300?" The guy was like, "Um, try $1,000."

THE ENVIRONMENT
This Just In
We were right about SUVs and Hummers being irrelevant but we were wrong about the "sheer number" thing. The problem is old cars. They're the ones that are doing all the guzzling. New cars (big, small, monolithic) are 98% cleaner than their ancestors so go bananas. There are 170% more drivers in the world but, instead of that making things worse, air pollution has gone down 54%. WHOOPS!