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Preserve the Legacy of the Spice Girls By Maybe Not Listening to This

Dear oh dear.
Lauren O'Neill
London, GB

Today, a moment that women worldwide have been waiting for in our thousands—nay, our millions—has finally arrived. No, not equal pay legislation. Some might say it is more monumental, more earth-moving. It is new music from the Spice Girls. Sort of.

Basically, Geri Halliwell, Emma Bunton and Mel B (otherwise known as Ginger, Baby, and Scary Spices respectively) announced this summer, on the 20th anniversary of the Spice Girls' seminal hit "Wannabe," that they would be reuniting as GEM—that is, without Mel C (Sporty) or Victoria Beckham (Posh). There was little more news on the project until this morning, when a new song called "Song For Her" by GEM leaked online. And, well, I will just say this: I would advise that you do not go digging out the old Union Jack dress, white platform boots and/or leopard print catsuit just yet.


I'm really sorry. I'm so so sorry. But frankly, "Song For Her" is beneath the legacy of these three legends.

It has a chorus that sounds like it was taken from a song written for a World Cup (not usually the trademark of quality, "World In Motion" being the exception), and it also does that thing that tracks by musicians making a comeback later in life often do, bemoaning the drudgery of proper adulthood ("Kids are laughin', it's four in the mornin'/Can't help smilin', can't help yawnin'") in order to "really show where they're at in their lives." All of this would be sort of passable if it wasn't for the fact that all anyone actually wants from a Spice Girls reunion is a massive concert at Hyde Park where they play "Who Do You Think You Are" sixteen times and we all wear costumes and get off our tits on warm £5.50 pints in plastic cups.

Hopefully, because this track is a leak rather than an official release, it's just a work in progress, and the real new music which sounds exactly like "Spice Up Your Life" is coming soon, with that concert announcement to follow shortly after. That is what I will keep telling myself, anyway. Listen to "Song For Her" below.

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(Image via YouTube)