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The Spanked MonkeyI'm not a porn person. I just don't get it. When I was a kid growing up in New York, it was everywhere. There were more skin-flick theaters on 42nd Street than banks, liquor stores, or anything else. Today, it's even bigger. It's a billion-dollar industry, so I know people watch it, and I guess that's OK if that's what you're into, but personally I can't get gratification from stroking with Vaseline in my hand. I know guys who watch porn with their wives or their girlfriends. Some guys use it as a means to cope with the fact that they have no women, which seems to be what you did. And then there are guys who watch it before they link up with a woman, so they can last longer when game time comes. To me, that is one of the worst scenarios, because it shows that those men lack skill in the sack.Whatever the case, it can be a problem if you spank it too frequently, and it definitely sounds like you are guilty of that. One tell-tale sign that you are doing it too much is if your girl is asking you to come to bed and you lie to her about having extra work to do just so you can rub another one out in the computer room. Another dead giveaway is if you are late to work because you have to spank it before you can leave the house. When you are not taking care of responsibilities on time in order to beat off, you've got a serious problem. But the worst is when your keyboard at work is sticky. Choking the chicken on the job says that you've lost all self-respect and are kind of acting like an addict. I'm SURE there are people at VICE who have this problem. They are the ones I don't shake hands with.
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