FYI.

This story is over 5 years old.

Girl Eats Food - Angel Delight Cookies

These things are so cute they make Zooey Deschanel look like that guy who got boned to death by a horse.

Angel Delight is the cockroach of desserts. It was born all the way back in the 1960s, when free love and licking blotters was distracting us from the butt-load of indestructible food products Britain was churning out in case we got nuked to shit by the Russians. But just because it was spawned by the fear of living in a dugout with only tinned frankfurters and the rotting corpses of your family to keep you company, doesn’t mean it’s not still one of the most scrumptious instant puddings ever. Angel Delight Sugar Cookies There are only so many times you can splat some milk in a packet of Angel D and slosh it round like a Salt’N’Shake before you want to branch out a bit. Far from being just a yummy, modified starch-mousse-slop, it also makes a great base for cookies that come out looking so cute they'll bring on juddering waves of nervio. Trust me, these things make Zooey Deschanel look like that guy who got fucked to death by a horse. IDK why they're so adorable, tho. Must be all that lovely, soft tetrasodium diphosphate.

Advertisement

Ingredients 4oz x squidgy butter
1 x cup of sugar
1 x tsp of salt
1 x egg
¼ x cup of milk
1 x tsp of baking powder
3 x cups of plain flour
1x packet of Angel Delight
1 x pair of gentle hands Step 1.

Baking bread? Dump and whisk. Baking a cake? Dump and whisk. Baking cookies? You got it: Step 1. of this recipe is the same as Step 1. for every other frickin' baking recipe in the world. How much Angel Delight you deign to shake in really depends on how ludicrous you want the color to be, but don't go cray or you'll end up juggling so many E numbers they'd have Rain Man smashing his head off the floor in fits of rage.

Step 2.

I like my cookies marbled, so I made another dough that (looks like it's supposed to) taste like strawberries. Chill both to firm up for an hour, ready for all the shape-molesting you’re gonna do.

Step 3.

Once your balls are chilled, sprinkle them lovingly in flour until they're ready for rolling. Step 4.

OK, I fucked up the marbling. Gimme a break, Jesus eff, WTF have you done today, anyway? If you’re not a cack-handed monster like me, maybe you'd like to squish your two balls together gently, in a way that doesn't make them look like two dying animals. Step 5.

Roll the dough so it turns into a magical blanket a centimeter or so thick and cut into adorable shapes. I don’t even know what’s happening on that second row… is that a miniature pony? A highland terrier? Maybe buy some proper cookie cutters rather than using ones you just fished out from the floor under the fridge. Step 6.

Advertisement

OK, so space out your ducks, horses, and roadkill hedgehogs super-evenly on a baking sheet and slam them in the oven at 200c for ten minutes.

Cookies baked, you can now serve them on a bed of smugness, as you realize you've found a way to get Angel Delight into your body that is so much more rewarding than listlessly tonguing it out of a wet sachet.

Bone-appetit!

JOANNA FUERTES-KNIGHT

@fuertesknight

Previously - Girl Eats Food - Baked Bean Gnocchi