Two outbreaks swept through the Northern Territory last week, forcing government intervention and scrambled attempts to warn the public. One was a weed known as rubber vine. The other was typhoid, a savage bacterial disease caused by shit-tainted food and water. It's a rarity in the developed world nowadays but has been on the increase in the Northern Territory, which is no big deal as long as you're OK with symptoms like internal hemorrhaging and bleeding from your rectum. Luckily, the powers that be intervened promptly and effectively, quashing the outbreak, distributing 4,000 information flyers and launching a public education campaign. With the weeds sorted, that just leaves the typhoid to deal with.Here are the rest of our highlights:
- Darwin truck-driver Shelly Holland took to the press on Wednesday to make a plaintive plea to the men of the Northern Territory. "I just want people to make sweet loving in the Territory during the wet season," she said. Holland, 43, was deeply concerned and distraught about the 6:1 ratio of women to men at the upcoming Valentines Day Darwin Singles Ball and promised reporters that it would be "spankalicious".
- Following on from a stouch with Chief Minister Terry Mills, the NTNews is now under fire from Alderman Helen Galton, this time over allegedly deceptive photographs of improperly pruned trees. In response, the News Limited-owned newspaper ran a new photograph (pictured) with a caption that read: "An exclusive NT News photograph of the road at East Point. No digital enhancement here, folks!".
- Chief Minister Terry Mills unveiled his plans for quashing the increase in antisocial behaviour that has blighted the Northern Territory over the past few months. His proposal? "Tell them: You should not be drinking." Problem solved.So, in all, a quiet week, as though as a solemn hush had blanketed the entire territory. No doubt the Territorians were occupied with battling the rubber vine's relentless onslaught. To those brave men and women, we wish godspeed.@TobyFehily
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