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You’d think this would be a sure-fire hippie-pleaser, wouldn’t you? You’d be wrong. Alex asking Joan Baez’s Relentless Social Conscience what her favourite tree was led to her leaving us. He had beaten her at her own game. He had out-hippied the hippie. No one wants to have their uniqueness taken away from them like that. Like the punk struggling to come to terms with your detailed knowledge of unreleased Anti-Heros EPs, the she-hippie, faced with Alex’s harrowing description of an oak’s soul, had nowhere to go but somewhere else. Re-enacting Altamont in East London
Altamont represents the end of the hippie dream. Your desire to see a version of it replace Field Day will bore and repel in equal measure. Hippie Stuff in a Historically Detailed Way
Oh, you know where Britain’s ley lines are? You know about the rise and fall of the druids? You once started an MA in Eastern Philosophy? Detailed knowledge of traditional hippie subjects will inspire fear, and fear will inspire boredom.

Jungle, 2-step, anything urban and aggressive will work here. Imagine you are sitting on some hay bales with Richard and Linda Thompson in the early 70s. Then imagine the last thing they’d want to listen to. Then talk about that. Being Pragmatic About Stuff
Suggesting that it’s unrealistic to expect human beings to return to an idyllic, pastoral existence in which carrot soup is eaten morning, noon and night will lead to a rage so profound it’ll end in boredom. THINGS NOT TO TALK ABOUT
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Hippies, like teenagers, are crushingly proud of knowing all about different types of hash, weed and skunk. Charis, Purple Haze, Nocturnal Meltdown… allowing someone to give you a guided tour of their favourite “herb” is the opposite of boring them. Pharmaceuticals
You are, of course, addicted to Anadin, Nurofen, Lemsip and anything else made by Pfizer, GlaxoSmithKline or Roche but, as with multinational corporations, you need to keep your love of mass-produced medicines quiet. Speaking up for them will result in a long day’s journey into night in which you, brainwashed over-the-counter-medicine dependent that you are, will be bludgeoned into eulogising echinacea for the rest of your days. The Occupy Movement
Prepare for your brain, body and soul to be occupied for days if you bring this up.

Although, Young’s 70s exploration of experimental rock and punk probably makes him safe. Using Horse Shampoo
With those flowing locks? With that glossy pelt upon their chest and back? They know all about horse shampoo my friend, and thus bringing it up will result in a thorough schooling in its potency. By the end you’ll have no need for that BA in Animal Husbandry. Multinational Corporations
Talking about how much you love the food of Tesco, the nectar of Coca-Cola, the oil of Shell and the improvised explosive devices of BAE Systems will only inflame those you are trying to bore.Follow Oscar and Sam on Twitter: @oscarrickettnow and @sptsam