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Nearly sick in my mouth

The last thing I needed today, in my delicate hangover state, was this website. I am cruising that aching neck, waves of nausea and eyeball headache wave right now, despite having administered my standard recovery program: a bottle of water, two Solpadeine Max and a bacon and mustard sandwich. Were I not at work I would be in a bath with a bottle of Lucozade listening to Kurt Vonegutt CDs. But thanks to Stephen Fry's fucking Twitter, via my friend Lynsey, I am now pushing the sick-burp fringes.

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The website, 'This is why you are fat', contains some of the most horrific culinary images I can imagine. It has entered my top 4 'make you sick on a hangover' list. The other notable ones are:

1. Shit mixed with air freshener. I really think I would prefer unadulterated smell of shit than to have it's earthy aroma weaponised with synthetic apricot aerosol.

2. Being on the tube. There is nothing wrong with the tube itself, it's just the knowledge that I am a good five minutes vomit jiggling sprint from the open that really ratchets up the fear of being sick.

3. Needing a piss. This is bad because it takes concentration to hold piss in. And that leeches away the concentration I set aside to not vomit. Last time this happened, I didn't sick, but a bit of pee came out in my jeans.

4. And here rests 'this is why you are fat'. I am off for another Lucozade.

BRUNO BAYLEY