10. Pinocchio
He lies, his nose grows longer. But he loves lying. It's one hell of a pickle.
9. Baron Münchhausen
Not really a liar, just a teller of tall tales. After all, a 17th century German gentleman need not be held by the same standards as other folk. A soldier and businessman (he was, by all accounts, an "honest" man to do business with), Münchhausen claimed to have gone to the moon, ridden cannonballs and extracted himself from a swamp by pulling on his own hair. It was also said that he was the proud slayer of a number of ferocious beasts and the saviour of many a distressed damson.
8. Janet Cooke
Journalists are notorious liars and their lying comes in many shapes and sizes. If you work for the Daily Mail, you're engaging in what I like to think of as mock-honest stealth lying, which firstly involves whispering racist stuff into people's ears and secondly plastering it on the front of your newspaper. It's lying that skims beneath the radar. Washington Post journalist Janet Cooke wasn't quite as subtle. She just made a whole bunch of stuff up and then won a Pulitzer Prize for it. Her story 'Jimmy's World' was about an 8-year-old heroin addict. It tugged at the heart strings. It had you thinking that maybe the Daily Mail is right, maybe we do live in a world overrun by hoodlums and thieves, drug addicts and communist do-gooders who want to give grants to rapists. It was all entirely made up. Just like her CV, which boasted degrees from Vassar College and the La Sorbonne university in Paris. Now, she's apologised and sold the movie rights. Who says good doesn't triumph over evil?
7. Jeffrey Archer
Politicians are, by nature, liars. There could be a top 100 lying politicians and there'd still be loads you had to leave out. It's probably our fault really, we expect too much. But no-one ever expected that much of Jeffrey Archer except, perhaps, epic feats of deception and self satisfaction. Archer might well be the only man to try and claim that paying off someone he had an affair with was an act of "philanthropy". Then again, it worked, as the judge in the case had a burning desire for Mrs Archer."Remember Mary Archer in the witness box. Your vision of her probably will never disappear. Has she elegance? Has she fragrance? Would she have, without the strain of this trial, radiance? How would she appeal? Has she had a happy married life? Has she been able to enjoy, rather than endure, her husband Jeffrey?" he said adding: "Is Mr Archer in need of cold, unloving, rubber-insulated sex in a seedy hotel round about quarter to one on a Tuesday morning after an evening at the Caprice?"Yes, yes he is. Time after time Archer lied and then profited from his lies, whether it was insider-trading or staging a play about his perjury trial in which the audience got to decide whether he was guilty.
6. Brian Harvey
Mr East 17 actually managed to run himself over. No doubt following some kind of "epic bender", Mr "Twelve pills a night" leant out of his car, fell out, and was run over. His explanation for this bravura piece of insanity demonstrates that, when it comes to lying, why not go for broke? :"I was starving so I baked three jacket potatoes and stuffed them down. They were big. I put cheese on, then tuna mayonnaise and I ate the lot… There wasn't room to turn round, so I came to a stop and put the car in reverse. But then I felt sick so I took off my seatbelt, opened the door and went to be sick. Instead of keeping my foot on the brake, it slipped on to the accelerator," he told reporters.It's important to note that the potatoes were "big". We're talking Organic Taste the Difference shit here, he didn't just throw a couple of Maris Pipers in the oven, he went all out. But when you go all out, you've gotta be prepared to pay the price: getting run over by yourself.5. Johnny Rotten
Every rock star has a bit of Baron Münchhausen in them but Johnny was probably the slyest about it. He's just really upset that you think Malcolm McLaren told him what to wear. Apparently, he didn't wear safety pins in his clothes because McLaren knew Richard Hell and thought that was a good look; he did it because he was poor. What? Safety pins are the best way of keeping clothes together. He was being practical. He's like that kid that put his hand in the dyke and saved Holland. He was just doing the most useful thing. Of course, now he just rocks the fat Bart Simpson look. No safety pins involved (they snap open and give him a devil of a scratch).
4. A Crap dude
I've robbed this mercilessly from Jezebel but it highlights one of the purest forms of lying around: lying to yourself. Yes, we all do it: "I could have been a great guitarist I just didn't bother practicing", "I'm really clever I just didn't bother reading or listening to anyone in school", we say to ourselves, safe in the knowledge that we are great. But this guy takes it to a new level. He manages to explain away being really into a girl who dumped him by saying he had Stockholm syndrome. Here are some extracts from the post-breakup email he sent the girl:I should also be clear I am not in any way presently in love with you, though I did have very strong and irrational feelings for you at the time due to this dynamic…It is basically the same thing as Stockholm syndrome or captor-bonding; I identified with you to an extreme degree (please Wikipedia for Stockholm syndrome and captor-bonding if you are not familiar with the terms, as I don't want to be confused any longer)…I started to be able to see alternative interpretations, which the Stockholm syndrome prevented me from grasping, and became confused as to what interpretative schema was correct. It was in this state of fogginess that I came to your house that day and notice [sic] what I did — something disobedient but not in any way harmful or even very offensive, just slightly disobedient…When I came to your house, even though I wasn't angry and was simply a bit obstinate and rude, you seemed highly stressed consistent with fear and though I am a male who it is very hard to anger and wasn't angry at the time, I could see your behavior type easily triggering anger in other males…Sure.
3. Britney Spears
Guys just love it when you tell them you're a virgin. You can tell every guy you pick up and they'll all think they're the greatest because they've managed to find the key to your chastity belt. Side benefits include selling a truck load of records to toddlers and becoming the poster girl for the True Love Waits pro-chastity movement. Go chastity! Then the lawyer you used as a teenager to rustle up some extra dollars tells everyone you gave it away at 14 and your superstar ex-boyfriend indulges in a little sexy reminiscing. Now what are you going to do? Go slutty.
2. Tania Head
When lots of people die in a terrorist attack (or government plot, if it makes you happy) it's only natural to feel shaken up, upset and emotionally unstable. It's like when your mate has broken up with their boyfriend/girlfriend and you have to be with them because it's, like, really hard for her and actually, kind of hard for you too, because you care so much. So maybe it's not really lying to say that you were in the twin towers when they hit, that you survived the blast, that you were rescued by a fire fighter who then died (why not then go and spend time with his family and talk about how brave he was, he probably was brave) and that your fiancé was also killed when in actual fact you weren't in the twin towers, you never knew the fire fighter and you didn't have a fiancé. It's not lying. It's empathy. Telling people about it for six years is entertainment. It's soothing. It's like an episode of Seinfeld.
1. OJ Simpson
You've got to hand it to OJ: at least he ended up feeling guilty about all the lying he'd done. Writing a "fictional" book about how you killed some people probably isn't the best way to get rid of the inconvenient nightmares and anxiety stomach aches, but maybe he was on to something. I'm off to write a novel called I (might) have stolen your DVD of Semi-Pro, about the time I accidentally borrowed my mate's film and kept it in my house and told people it was mine and gave them a detailed critical analysis of it whilst at the same time stressing that I was a big Andre 3000 fan and that I had bought the DVD at Zavvi as soon as it went on sale.OSCAR RICKETTTop ten bodies of water. EverThe top ten wars of all time. Ever.

9. Baron Münchhausen

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