The world’s richest man had a very good time in space Tuesday morning, while the rest of us perhaps worried about raging wildfires, the Delta COVID variant, extreme inequality, or just like, going to work or paying our bills.
Amazon and Blue Origin founder Jeff Bezos wore a cowboy hat, rang a bell, and had “the best day ever” as he flew to space in his penis-shaped rocket called New Shepard. With him was a crew that included his brother, Oliver Daemen, the 18-year-old son of a Dutch hedge fund manager who took the place of an anonymous person who paid nearly $30 million for his seat but then canceled because of a scheduling conflict, and Wally Funk, an 82-year-old test pilot who trained as an astronaut in the 1960s but never got to go to space.
Funk became the oldest person to ever go to space. Bezos became the richest person to ever go to space, defeating Richard Branson in a battle that has nothing to do with space.
“You have a really happy crew,” Bezos reported during a livestream while the craft was near its apogee. “I am unbelievably good,” the man, who oversees a company whose workers piss in bottles, has devastated local economies, entered contracts with the Pinkertons, and treats its warehouse workers like “industrial athletes,” said after landing safely. “Best day ever,” he added. “I was surprised at how easy Zero-G was. It’s like swimming.”
Funk, upon landing, said “That was only about five minutes.”
Correction: This article has been corrected to explain that the person who canceled their flight was an anonymous person, not the father of Oliver Daemen.