Identity

What To Do When the Stars Say Your Relationship Is Doomed to Fail

In this month's Dear Annabel, we unpack the notion of "astrological compatibility."
March 15, 2018, 7:35pm

It's almost Aries season, and everyone is all riled up and itching for independence. In this installment of Dear Annabel, Broadly astrologer Annabel Gat discuses astrological compatibility and the Venus retrograde later this year.

Dear Annabel,
I'm a Gemini gal who has gotten into my first serious relationship with a Scorpio guy. I have only ever had casual relationships before this, but have really fallen for this guy. However, Scorpio and Gemini are not seen as a good astro match. How can I understand him better and make it work, or is it doomed to fail?

Advertisement

— Gemini in First Love

Dear Gemini in First Love,
No match between sun signs is doomed to fail. In fact, astrologers give precedence to many other factors when comparing two birth charts (the placement of the Moon, for instance, and of Venus, as well as the geometric angle between various planets). But anyway, the easiest way to understand someone else is to get to know him! Give things time. Patience isn’t always easy for Geminis; however, you do love to learn about people—your ruling planet is Mercury, the planet of communication, and you’re an intellectual Air sign—so that should make things easier.

That said, make sure you’re learning intimately about this person for the right reasons. Your primary goal shouldn’t be to figure out all his buttons so you can manipulate the relationship into working (manipulation is a Scorpio’s job, anyway). You need to connect with yourself and understand what your needs are. When you know that, you can reflect on how he treats you, ask yourself whether it works for you, and make wise decisions about whether or not you should stay in the relationship.

Since you are writing an astrologer for advice, I’ll tell you this, too: Find out what both of your moon signs are. This will tell you what makes the other feel comforted—and figuring this out will help you make sure both of your needs are met in the relationship.

— Annabel


Dear Annabel,
I have been single since April, and have only just recently found a guy I’ve even had the slightest attraction to. I don’t know his sign yet. We’ve had one date and he was absolutely the nicest guy I’ve ever dated. He’s smart, funny, and he has the job, stability, and finances necessary to not be a leech like my last boyfriend (and, frankly, most of my exes). Our goodnight kiss was good, comfortable, but not filled with passion and butterflies. I’ve never experienced “comfort” in a kiss before (and I’m not 100 percent sure that’s a good thing).

Also, he has stated that he never wants to get married again, as his ex-wife cheated on him. Can I, a Taurus, really be with a man who doesn’t want to commit to me the way I want or should I bail out now?

Advertisement

— Uncomfortable with that Comfortable Kiss

Dear Uncomfortable with that Comfortable Kiss,
I had many thoughts while reading your letter, but I lost them all when I got to the portion where you wrote that he never wants to get married and that you’re a Taurus. Now, this isn’t to say that all Taurans want to get married—but it’s a fact that once a Taurus has set their heart on something, that’s it. If this guy doesn’t want a commitment the way that you want one, it doesn’t matter how comfortable the kiss was.

But even beyond that, I noticed a tension in your question. On one hand, you said you wanted stability and commitment; on the other, you expressed a desire for “passion and butterflies.” These things aren’t mutually exclusive, of course, but my impression is that you aren’t really clear on what you want. Even worse, you’re already asking yourself if you should forego passion and try to make things work with a guy who told you he doesn’t want to get married, and this is after you guys made out one time—that doesn’t sound good!

You mentioned that you’ve dated a lot of guys who leeched off of you. I think it’s time you stop being so self-abnegating, and focus on yourself instead. My advice? Make out with him, comfortably, until someone else comes along—if making out with him is what you want to do, that is. I know it’s hard to meet someone you’re attracted to, but now’s a great time to experiment and figure things out. There’s nothing wrong with being single for a while longer, especially if it means that you’ll be able to better figure out what you need, what turns you on, and to allow yourself more time to meet as many suitors as possible.

Advertisement

Some astrological advice: Venus will go retrograde this year, from October 5 to November 16. This is a big deal for everyone, but especially Libras and Tauruses since you're ruled by Venus. This will be a critical time for you to reconnect with your desires and values, and will likely bring a reorientation of some kind around your love life.

— Annabel


Dear Annabel,
I’m a 33-year-old Leo sun, Aquarius moon, and Sag rising. I’ve finally made the big decision to get out of my home state of Texas for Montreal. I’ve never really fit in with the South and have always had trouble finding dates here. It’s very cheesy rom-com, but I’m hoping my move puts me in a place where I can forge a meaningful romantic connection with someone. Am I the problem, or does it get better?

— Leo Looking for Love

Dear Leo Looking for Love,
You’re probably at least a little but of the problem, but yes, of course it can get better! And do give yourself some credit—you’ve made this choice to move, which shows that you’re taking serious initiative, and you’re open to solutions and changes. You asked me if your move will put you in a better place. It won’t, in and of itself—but your decision to move hundreds of miles definitely could! As cheesy as it sounds, the only one who can change your life is you (and it seems like you’re definitely already taking big steps to do so).

So, while moving to a new place might seem like it’ll bring endless opportunities to meet new people and bring a whole new outlook with it, the truth is, it might be even more difficult to meet someone, because you’ll need to set up a whole new friend group to go out with. Don't let that make you feel defeated. Put yourself on dating apps. Go to parties, go to cafes, go to dog parks. You have to make yourself available, no matter where you live! Staying in will not get you the person of your dreams.

If you want a cheesy rom-rom romance, I’d suggest building an altar to a love goddess you connect with. And, since you’re a Sagittarius rising, look out for the new moon in Aries on April 15 (which will coincide with Mercury ending its retrograde—hell yeah!). Aries rules the sector of your chart that’s associated with romance, as well as fun, parties, and celebrations—try scheduling a date or a party for tonight for a lovely, fresh start in your love life!

— Annabel


Do you have a pressing question for Annabel? Email us with the subject line "DEAR ANNABEL": broadly.editor@vice.com