First of all, I have some apologizing to do. As a Brit, I feel as though it is my responsibility to say:
I am sorry about James Corden.
I am. I really am. I know we're kind of past apologies at this point, what with the fact that Britain made James Corden and released him unto America to do untold damage to the fundamental concept of comedy itself, but I feel like I have to say it.
For the record, he wasn't always this bad: he's responsible for a UK sitcom called Gavin & Stacey which is very funny, for example. For a while, he was a respected young actor until he just started popping up absolutely everywhere, to the point where nobody could deal with him anymore and we shipped him off across the Atlantic, to forever lead The Kids from Stranger Things™ in Motown medleys and whatever the fuck else it is that he does these days. Like I said, sorry about that.
Anyway, like another boring Brit (Ed Sheeran, duh) before him, Corden appears to be absorbing every single corner of the entertainment industry. He hosted the Grammys, and for his next trick, he'll voice the beloved children's character Peter Rabbit in a new movie. Presumably the casting brief was "anyone English."
So, that's your childhood wrecked. And now, even more unforgivable, for his role as the cartoon rabbit, he has recorded a song written by indie rock darling Ezra Koenig of Vampire Weekend. Here is that song, which is called "I Promise You":
This feels suspect doesn't it? There is literally no reason for James Corden, starring as the rabbit, to sing a song. And yet. And yet. Here we have James Corden, starring as the rabbit, on a studio recording.
Related: have you ever noticed James Corden's behavior on Carpool Karaoke? How he sings alongside the celebrities like a mother living vicariously through her child but also attempting to compete with her? It is, quite clearly, James Corden's dream to be a pop star. And that's OK, we all have dreams. But sometimes, it's important to acknowledge that we shouldn't always realize our goals. I, for example, dream of eating veggie chicken nuggets and pizza for every meal. I have accepted that to do so would be excessive. Perhaps it would be helpful for James Corden, extremely famous man who has absolutely no need to be recording music, to have a similar realization. That is all I am saying.
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