New Year’s Eve is objectively the worst. Going out means risking getting puked on or punched in the face by some asshole who did too many bumps on the second floor of Terminal 5. The easy option would be to stay the fuck home, eat some lo mein, and fall asleep before 11 PM. But where’s the fun in that? Instead of hiding under your down comforter, the best way to navigate the biggest amateur night of the year is to plan your night carefully, and know what you’re getting yourself into. Which is where this NYE party chart comes in handy. We’ve sifted through dozens of options and picked the best places to ring in 2017, including warehouse techno raves, a psychedelic ambient lounge, a pop-up party in a Chinese restaurant, and pretty much everything in between. Do whatever you need to do to purge this horrendous year. See you in 2017.
I Love Warehouses!
1. Blkmarket Membership: tINI b2b Bill Patrick (Rolls ‘n’ Do)
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Location: Secret Brooklyn Warehouse
Headliners: tINI, Bill Patrick
Blkmarket warehouse parties are basically like the pulled pork sandwiches of New York nightlife: they might not be necessarily reinventing the wheel, but there’s something comforting in the familiarity of knowing what to expect (grungy warehouse, Euro techno, a sea of deep Vs). And, judging by their recent 31-hour set at Sunwaves, tINI and Bill Patrick are an unstoppable B2B force.
Location: Secret Brooklyn Warehouse
Headliners: Danny Tenaglia, Nicole Moudaber, Gregor Tresher, Marino Canal
Techno queen Nicole Moudaber teams up with her mentor, legendary New York DJ Danny Tenaglia, for the kind of warehouse blowout with $200 VIP open-bar tickets. Hope your daddy has deep wallets.
3. Wild Life BK
Location: To Be Announced (Brooklyn)
Headliners: Disclosure, Tiga, Kenny Larkin, Eli Escobar
This is a fun lineup, with bonus points for taking place in a Brooklyn warehouse instead of some hell hole in Midtown. But since it’s Disclosure, expect a young crowd. Like, Smirnoff-in-Poland-Spring-water-bottles young.
I Wanna Be With Queer Fam
1. Club Glow
Location: Knockdown Center
Headliners: Katie Got Bandz, Juliana Huxtable, Le1f, De Se
If 2016 was the year where white, heteronormative, and patriarchal oppression became all too real, this party represents one of the ways nightlife can fight back. Headlined by Chicago’s drill queen Katie Got Bandz and some of the best of New York’s underground club scene, it is a testament to the power of queer and trans people of color, and hopefully a sign of what’s to come.
Location: Analog BKNY
Headliners: Ron Like Hell and Ryan Smith (Wrecked) + Will Automagic and Nita Aviance (The Carry Nation)
A 12-hour marathon anchored by two pillars of New York’s LGBTQ scene, Wrecked and The Carry Nation. The party kicks off at midnight—or, as the DJs put it, “after your balls drop”—and if you make it till dawn, you’ll even get served some fresh fruit like some cracked-out Roman god. Trust these daddies to know how to do it right.
3. The Culture Whore & Rify Royalty: Night Riders
Location: 1332 Atlantic Avenue
Headliners: Michael Magnan, JX Cannon, Dream, Rify Royalty, Boywolf, and others
What if West World got taken over by the queer club kid Instagram mafia, eight hours into a poppers binge? You’d get this Wild Wild West-themed warehouse party full of decadently costumed nightlife creatures. Bring your ride-or-die.
4. KUNQ
Location: To Be Announced
Headliners: Balasa, Battyjack, False Witness, FXWRK, Rizzla, and more
One of the most exciting club labels in town brings the heat for their first big NYE party. The vibes here will be warm and friendly—just like a giant family reunion (minus the racist uncle)—and perfect for setting the stage for 2017.
I Want Something Different
1. Chemistry Creative & Mysteries of the Deep present: New Year’s at the End of the Universe
Location: 315 Ten Eyck Street
Headliners: Patrick Russell, Certain Creatures, Clay Wilson, and more
Let your anxiety to ambient grooves as you sink into a couch cushion at this coconut water and meditation-fueled rave lounge. A room full of people drifting away as the ball drops—I’m relaxed just thinking about it.
2. Rinsed: Direct Experience NYE
Location: To Be Announced
Headliners: Hieroglyphic Being and surprise guests
Trippy techno with Hieroglyphic Being for twenty bucks in a non-shitshow, intimate setting? It really doesn’t get much better than this.
3. Club Mission
Location: Mission Chinese
Headliners: Pictureplane, JX Cannon, Quay Dash, and more
A bevy of Brooklyn nightlife mainstays like Pictureplane and JX Cannon take over an upscale Chinatown eatery. Expect nasty beats, trendy kids, and boujee dumplings.
Location: Sunnyvale
Headliners: Nadus B2B DJ Tiga B2B DJ Irresistible (Jersey club special), Vjuan Allure
If the thought of yet another house and techno night makes you want to bash your head in, look no further—Lit City has been throwing club music ragers since the halcyon 285 Kent days. Expect vogue, jersey club, ballroom, grime and beyond.
I Wanna Find Love in this Club
In Brooklyn
Headliners: Jacques Renault, Midnight Magic, Higgins, Beto Cravioto
Black Flamingo is where you go for the best house and disco in Brooklyn, and this lineup of local favorites guarantees it’s a family affair.
2. Trans Pecos
Headliners: Patrick Russell, Willie Burns, and more
The Bunker’s Patrick Russell joins L.I.E.S.’ Willie Burns and Samo Records’ Facets at a NYE bash for the experimental heads.
3. TBA
Headliners: Sleepy & Boo, Lost In The Zoo
Sleepy & Boo, New York residents and favorites, will be DJing a masquerade soiree. Hands in the air, eyes wide shut.
4. Good Room
Headliners: Soul Clap, No Regular Play
Roaring tunes on a monstrous sound system. Give your soul a rinse and make sure it’s ready for primetime.
Headliners: Galcher Lustwerk, Young Male, Morgan Louis
White Material at Bossa Nova Civic Club is just about the most sure-fire option you have for a great time on NYE. Even better, it’s only $15, with free champagne all night.
6. Schimanski
Headliners: Marcel Dettmann and more TBA
At the club formerly known as Verboten and now called Schimanski, the music will be techno and the alcohol will be flowing, much like Marcel’s gorgeous, luscious, healthy, biotin-infused hair.
7. Output
Headliners: John Digweed, Naveen G
UK selector John Digweed does an eight-hour special at the throbbing center of Williamsburg nightlife, Output.
In Manhattan
1. Cielo
Headliners: Junior Sanchez, Love & Logic
Cielo and Junior Sanchez is a match made in 2010 heaven. Go for the nostalgia, leave when they start trotting out the bottle service sparklers.
Headliners: Solomun B2B Dixon
Our favorite Resident Advisor-poll-dominating DJ goes back-to-back with another tech-house wizard for eight hours.
Headliners: Afrojack
Afrojack will be “DJing” at The Gallery inside of The Dream Downtown. Socialites dressed as unicorns might show up. Go if you’re into EDM or sado-masochism.
Headliners: Lee Burridge
Lee Burridge, the human incense stick, will play at Flash Factory. Will he bring a yoga mat? Go and find out.
BONUS: Help, It’s New Year’s Day And I Still Wanna Party
1. Bushwick A/V
Location: Somewhere in Bushwick
Headliners: Cry Baby, Pablo Romero, Simon Heyliger, A.Arias
This goes into the morning of January 2nd, which means many people here will have been awake since the the ball dropped. Last one standing gets some intravenous electrolytes and an everything bagel.
Location: Output
Headliners: Maya Jane Coles
Maya Jane Coles, the British DJ of “Truffle Butter” fame (among other things), will be pumping the tunes out of those bangin’ Funktion-One’s at Output on New Year’s Day.
3. Get Membered
Location: Members Only
Headliners: Bedouin, Thugfucker, Matthew Dekay
This is the afters where the Burning Man millionaires go when Cityfox is shut down.
4. Resolute New Year’s Eve and Day Extravaganza
Location: Secret Brooklyn Warehouse
Headliners: Zip, a:rpia:r (Rhadoo, Petre Inspirecu, Raresh), Ion Ludwig
Ricardo Villalobos’ deranged children—Rhadoo, Petre Inspirecu, and Raresh—will be playing a never-ending set this New Year’s Eve. Come prepared with all living necessities and kiss your loved ones goodbye. You will be here for a long time.
5. Blkmarket Membership New Year’s Day
Location: Secret Brooklyn Warehouse
Headliners: Âme, Azimute, Taimur & Fahad
After the tINI and Bill extravaganza, the Blkmarket celebration continues with German duo Âme and more for some New Year’s Day debauchery. Great place to get lulled to sleep.
Ezra Marcus contributed to this party guide. Check out our previous party guides by Dance Bitch, and follow Austin, Michelle, and Ezra on Twitter.
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