All the Shit That’s About to Go Down During Aquarius Season

Welcome to All the Shit, a monthly column in which I prepare you for the season ahead by consulting the planets or whatever. Ignore your parents. Ignore your therapist. This is the only advice you’ll need from now on.

How was your Capricorn season? Sorted things out, did you? Started making vegan lunches and putting little bonsai trees across your window sill? Made some kimchi with your own bare hands? Or thought about it at least? That’s great, I’m really proud of you. But Capricorn season is over now. It’s that time of the month when you are probably starting to fuck up the resolutions you made in the new year. In other words, we’re reaching a turning point. And that turning point is: Aquarius season.

Aquarius season is quite a nice time of year. It’s not tearful, like Cancer season. It doesn’t give you a bloated face, like Sagittarius season. And it’s not boring, like Capricorn season. No, Aquarius season is about embracing all the weirdness that lies beneath – but not in a dark, sinister way, like a Scorpio would – in a good way! It's also about being idealistic and creative, and making plans for the future.

Despite their watery name, Aquarians are an air sign, meaning they're a bit like Geminis but less mean, and a bit like Libras, but not pushovers. In other words, they’re the best air sign (at least, they like to think that; they’re also full of themselves). Here’s exactly how their energy is going to affect you from now until the 18th of February.

I have personally been obsessed with some odd things. There was that time I got really into watching 24-hour surveillance footage from around the world. There was that other time I got bang into recipes from Medieval England (have you heard of frumenty? It's sick, like Christmas pudding but porridge, used to be served with porpoise and rum?). I’ve dabbled in nootropics. Cosmology. Whatever, you name it.

I’m not an Aquarius, but this is Aquarius behaviour. Aquarians obsess over weird shit, and anything that sends their brains into overdrive. They're an air sign, after all. So don’t be surprised if you start developing some niche interests out of nowhere around this time too. You know that feeling when you just want to be alone so you can listen to a podcast about ancient Egyptian medicine in peace? Yeah, that’s the vibe of the next 30 days.

Feel like ignoring everybody you’ve ever known and loved in favour of starting your own DIY cinema business? Want to skip your best friend's birthday drinks to instead stay home making a giant Dolly Parton mosaic? It's Aquarius season, meaning it's the time to do it.

Like I said earlier, Aquarians are very into themselves. They’re a friendly and sociable sign, but they’re also much more enamoured with their own minds than the minds of others, or pleasing other people. So don’t be surprised if you start caring a bit less about what others think, and focusing more on what you want. Or course, if you yourself are an Aquarius, be prepared to be even more of yourself than usual.

What's the most rebellious thing you've ever done? Pierced your friend's nose with their mum's sewing needle in the playground? Skipped work for no reason other than it was sunny? IDK, smoked PCP? Whatever it is, now is the time to multiply that energy. Aquarians are more like leaders than followers. Out of all the zodiac signs, they're the most likely to start their own cult. Therefore, now is not the time for bending to the whims of others. Do whatever you want. Aquarians have their own rules.

People are always telling us to "live in the present" – Buddhists, yoga teachers, friends who are convincing us to stay out, guys who are trying to justify ghosting us after five dates, one of which was at his aunt's sobriety barbecue. But that way of thinking has gotten us into a lot of trouble. The ice caps are melting. The polar bears are dying. The Anthropology degree you did at Goldsmiths has got you nowhere. Living "in the present" is a lie.

Luckily, Aquarius season is about looking to the future and the ways we wish to change it. Aquarius energy is equal parts intellectual, idealistic and practical, which is the perfect combination when it comes to having ideas and actually pulling them off. Their tarot card is "The Star", which basically means what I just said.

Anyway, make the most of this creative, forward-thinking energy. Come Pisces season, you won't want to do anything other than cry. See you then!

@daisythejones