Neymar’s long-await musical debut—which he announced a few days ago—has finally dropped, titled “I Need.” The Barcelona and Brazil superstar had labeled this besotted endeavor “Neymusico,” which was a first red flag. The above video is safe for work but not entirely for your hearing.
Gratefully, our Portuguese is poor. So we can’t really tell if this caterwauling is entirely serious. He seems to be announcing an album. But we’re going to assume that he really isn’t, and that this is all a big prank—or a scathing indictment of the power of celebrity—for the sake of our sanity.
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Because Neymar breaks out into laughter towards the end of whatever it is he just sung. But then again, the dude sitting with him is plainly trying to stifle laughter throughout as if it’s supposed to be serious.
We just don’t know.
It isn’t the first time Neymar has fancied himself a singer. In 2012, he appeared on stage with Michel Telo to join him in a rendition of his global hit “Ai Se Eu Te Pego.” He couldn’t sing then either.
Here’s Neymar with Dani Alves singing “El Perdon,” terribly.
And here, for some reason, is an entire compilation of Neymar’s crimes against music.
So here, to correct the natural order, are some highlights of Neymar doing Neymar things. That is to say, soccer things. And let’s all agree to forget the assault on our eardrums, pretend it never happened and move on with our lives.